Settle for Less than Being Truly Loved

by | Apr 23, 2019

“Every child on the planet begins life by asserting their natural self. Rights allow us to express our unique, authentic human experience in the world. When we get negative responses from our environment, we naturally suppress various aspects of our original, authentic essence. We’ll restrain our life force, give up our needs, deny our desire for support, limit the experience we want, choose what we don’t want, or settle for less than being truly loved.” ~ Dr. Gary Salyer

Our April 23rd guest on Life Mastery Radio was Dr. Gary Salyer. His book, “Safe to Love Again” was published a few months ago. As a radio show co-host, I knew this book could be important to individuals looking for love the first, second, or third time around; but I didn’t expect it to have a take-away for myself. I’ve been married for over 36 years to the same man

Preparing for the interview, I read the first several chapters of Dr. Salyer’s book, and was surprised to learn there was much I didn’t know about love.

I was intrigued with the story of Paul, one of Dr. Salyer’s clients. Paul had been through 2 broken marriages, even though he’d been taught examples of lasting love from his parents, grandparents, and so forth. He was the first in generations of family who’d been divorced; and he couldn’t figure out why.

While working with Dr. Salyer, Paul kept repeating “Love will turn on me; when is love going to turn on me?” This feeling of mistrust in his two wives led them to “turn on him” because he couldn’t fully commit to love. He had created the situation of love “turning on him” because he expected it to happen.

Dr. Salyer discovered how this feeling originated in Paul when he was 5 years old. I won’t give too much away, because I want you to read his book, however Paul’s “truth” was not THE truth. As a child, he had interpreted a situation of his father beating him as “love turning on him”. But, when an older brother heard Paul’s interpretation of the same event, Paul realized his father was saving his life, not turning on him.

Unfortunately, Paul had undermined all his relationships because of a childhood feeling. FEELINGS, I learned, are what shapes our ability to be loved and love well. FEELINGS, not logic.

Conestoga wagons were an image Dr. Salyer put in my head to illustrate the “ruts” of love we find ourselves in because of feelings early in life. During the pioneer migration of early America, these wagon wheels would get stuck in the deep ruts formed by hundreds of wagons gone before.


“You better enjoy the rut you’re in, because you’ll be in it awhile.”

These ruts, or styles of love get us caught in repeating certain behaviors which can undermine relationships, like Paul’s.

Dr. Salyer spoke of an epidemic of unworthiness.

There are so many tools available in his book to help you find love or secure love in your life. There are 4 feelings, and 6 rights we all NEED to receive and give love.

Read his book to know more. Find out if he’s holding a workshop near you. Download his online workbook to help you get started. Safe to Love Again

Create the Love of Your Life with Mali Apple and Joe Dunn

by | Sep 14, 2012

September 18, 2012.  Guests:  Mali Apple and Joe Dunn will join Todd Alan and Debby for an intriguing discussion about their book and workshops, The Soulmate Experience.  A deeply connected and soulful couple, Mali and Joe explored their own connection to bring their harmonized attitudes to other couples and develop a coaching methodology.  The Soulmate Experience helps individuals and couples reduce their baggage and invite a lively and loving environment certain to support an intimate experience.  Whether you desire a new relationship or new passion to your current one, Mali and Joe will help you turn anxiety, loneliness, and doubt into acceptance, love, and compassion.  Join us live on Tuesday, 10:00 a.m. PDT at www.lifemasteryradio.net and check out Mali Apple and Joe Dunn at www.thesoulmateexperience.com

 

Save the Stuffing for the Turkey Eat Mindfully Instead

by | Nov 18, 2010

By Michelle May, M.D.

This holiday season, experience maximal pleasure from all the wonderful food and special occasions. By eating mindfully you’ll eat less and enjoy it more. The key to mindful eating is to notice the details. Pretend you’re writing an article about your Thanksgiving or other holiday meal for a gourmet magazine. The following tips are from Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat: How to Break Your Eat-Repent-Repeat Cycle (http://www.amihungry.com/eat-what-you-love-book.shtml):

  • Focus on the people you are sharing your meal with. Engage in interesting conversations. Ask questions and really listen to your companions.
  • Notice how hungry you are. If you aren’t hungry yet, become aware of the reasons you feel like eating anyway. If it’s for social reasons, then be social for awhile longer, then eat when you get hungry.
  • Decide how you want to feel when you’re done eating. Stuffed and miserable? Or comfortable and content? Fill your plate or order accordingly.
  • Mentally describe the table setting and the ambiance. Notice the aromas, colors, textures, and presentation of the meal.
  • Before eating, take a moment to be truly thankful about where your food came from, including all the people who invested their time, effort, and talent to get it from farm to plate.
  • Choose food carefully by asking yourself what you want and need. Don’t waste your appetite on cranberry sauce shaped like a can if you don’t love it!
  • Put one small bite in your mouth. You only have taste buds on your tongue so the flavors of a large bite of food are lost on your teeth, cheeks, and the roof of your mouth.
  • Notice the texture and flavors of the food on your tongue then slowly begin to chew it. Breathe since flavors other than salty, sweet, bitter and sour actually come from the aromas.
  • Set your fork down between bites. If you begin to load your next forkful your attention will be on the next bite, not the one you are eating now. And if you are focused on the next bite of food instead of the one you are eating, you won’t stop eating until there are no more forkfuls.
  • Sit for a moment and let the flavors and experience linger before you take the next bite.
  • Notice as the food gently fills your stomach. Pause for several minutes in the middle of eating to reconnect with your hunger and fullness levels and enjoyment of the meal.
  • Food is abundant this time of year—actually all year for most of us. Remind yourself that you can eat more later or at another meal so there’s no need to eat it all now and ruin the experience by feeling stuffed.

Mindful eating is a great way to enjoy Thanksgiving and other meals more while eating less. You’ll be thankful that you did!

Michelle May, M.D. is the founder of the Am I Hungry?® Mindful Eating Program (LINK to http://amihungry.com/) that helps individuals learn to break free from mindless and emotional eating to live a more vibrant, healthy life. She is the award-winning author of Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat: How to Break Your Eat-Repent-Repeat Cycle. Download the first chapter free. (LINK to http://amihungry.com/eat-what-you-love-book.shtml

Create Value – Finding Value in what we give and what we get from life

by | Nov 15, 2010

We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. – Aristotle 384 B.C.-322 B.C., Greek philosopher and scientist, student of Plato and teacher of Alexander the Great

I love oatmeal. Today I read on the cylindrical canister of Quaker Oats, “Always a Value”
And I reflected on how true that statement really is in my relationship with Quaker Oats.
The quality of oats is perfect every time, the taste, the consistency. All exactly as I love it. And I love the oats because, when I started out liking them, this is the same taste I remember. Now I can add ingredients to make it taste even better and add a variety to the experience, but the foundation remains solid.

This connection of oats and value can be applied to our lives in how we seek value and create value in our world. I invite you to reflect in this reading, on what you value in your life, and what you do not.

If we find value in something we keep it. When we do not see value in something, we toss it, ignore it, cover it up under piles, or let it go in some form. We either have a purpose for investing our energies in something, or we no longer have a need for that thing, relationship, or mental image in our lives, and we eventually let it go.

As a Life Coach, and one that works with people of all backgrounds in many areas of their lives, I see how we either value things in our lives and honor there presence, or do not and sometimes force ourselves to hold onto extra baggage of things, relationships, and agreements that no longer serve us.

This baggage and how to release it to create and find value in those things that really matter to us is what I write about today.

If you are at a place in your life where I hear yourself saying things like:
“I want to simplify my life”, “I need to get away”, “People want too much from me”, “If I were just more organized then…”

These are signs of the Universal hand on your shoulder pointing out areas where you can release things that are weighing you down. Or revealing ways you can increase your value to the world and to your relationships so that you feel content in who you are.

In having done this process myself this very weekend, I suggest that you may have things in your life that you would love to let go of, shift, or repurpose and get back in touch with that you are tolerating and not taking the time to deal with.

Where are you walking around something in your consciousness that you need to handle?

Are you doing things as you always have but would like to make a change and fear that a chnage will upset more and cause more problems than you started out with?

Do you want to know how a client, a partner or a loved one thinks about you and how they feel but are too scared to ask fr fear of what may come?

All of these types of scenarios block the value and purpose we give into the world and that we take in.  Opening the channels of truth and value will bring more into your life and open paths where you can be of value from your highest purpose.

Personal inventory

I invite you to ponder these simple questions:

1 – What do I truly value in my life? (relationships, home, career, talents, health, wisdom,  abilities, possessions)
2 – What in my life feels like a burden to hold onto, to avoid, or to ignore?

3- What can I do to shift how things are in my life right now, today, to view the situation from a different angle?

4 – What do I truly need to let go of to feel more relaxed and at ease?

5 – Where am I doing what others think I should do and not hearing my own voice?

Taking a personal inventory allow us to open up to new possibilities that we may not be seeing. Asking the question, has the Universe guide us to the answers.

Assess the value you are to people in your life. What do you bring to the table? And do you bring it consistently?
1 – Where do you lift them up people you are in relationship with?
2 – How do they see the value you bring to them?
3 – Is the value you bring consistent and of the quality you hope to be known for?

If it has changed over the years, you may want to get back in touch with those relationships, and or agreements you have with your boss, with yourself, with your family and see how your value is being perceived right now.

Inventory for your friends, family, co-workers, clients, and bosses

You can copy and paste these questions into a note to them and see how they respond.

What do you value most about our relationship?
Have I kept up the level of value that you have found in our relationship?
Where can I create more value for our relationship? How can I better serve?

This type of understanding will help in all areas of your life, with your loved ones, friends, peers, co-workers, bosses.

When you create value for others, value comes into your world in magical ways.

Be open and ready to learn in the process. Here is to you creating value in your world.

Tina Marie
“The Evokateur”