“Every child on the planet begins life by asserting their natural self. Rights allow us to express our unique, authentic human experience in the world. When we get negative responses from our environment, we naturally suppress various aspects of our original, authentic essence. We’ll restrain our life force, give up our needs, deny our desire for support, limit the experience we want, choose what we don’t want, or settle for less than being truly loved.” ~ Dr. Gary Salyer
Our April 23rd guest on Life Mastery Radio was Dr. Gary Salyer. His book, “Safe to Love Again” was published a few months ago. As a radio show co-host, I knew this book could be important to individuals looking for love the first, second, or third time around; but I didn’t expect it to have a take-away for myself. I’ve been married for over 36 years to the same man
Preparing for the interview, I read the first several chapters of Dr. Salyer’s book, and was surprised to learn there was much I didn’t know about love.
I was intrigued with the story of Paul, one of Dr. Salyer’s clients. Paul had been through 2 broken marriages, even though he’d been taught examples of lasting love from his parents, grandparents, and so forth. He was the first in generations of family who’d been divorced; and he couldn’t figure out why.
While working with Dr. Salyer, Paul kept repeating “Love will turn on me; when is love going to turn on me?” This feeling of mistrust in his two wives led them to “turn on him” because he couldn’t fully commit to love. He had created the situation of love “turning on him” because he expected it to happen.
Dr. Salyer discovered how this feeling originated in Paul when he was 5 years old. I won’t give too much away, because I want you to read his book, however Paul’s “truth” was not THE truth. As a child, he had interpreted a situation of his father beating him as “love turning on him”. But, when an older brother heard Paul’s interpretation of the same event, Paul realized his father was saving his life, not turning on him.
Unfortunately, Paul had undermined all his relationships because of a childhood feeling. FEELINGS, I learned, are what shapes our ability to be loved and love well. FEELINGS, not logic.
Conestoga wagons were an image Dr. Salyer put in my head to illustrate the “ruts” of love we find ourselves in because of feelings early in life. During the pioneer migration of early America, these wagon wheels would get stuck in the deep ruts formed by hundreds of wagons gone before.
These ruts, or styles of love get us caught in repeating certain behaviors which can undermine relationships, like Paul’s.
Dr. Salyer spoke of an epidemic of unworthiness.
There are so many tools available in his book to help you find love or secure love in your life. There are 4 feelings, and 6 rights we all NEED to receive and give love.
Read his book to know more. Find out if he’s holding a workshop near you. Download his online workbook to help you get started. Safe to Love Again