Conflicting money beliefs, anyone? ~ Mikelann Valterra

by Todd Alan | Apr 30, 2013

If you’ve ever thought about your “money story”, you may have come up against some paradoxes–conflicting messages about money. And when we are confronted with paradoxes, we often react by simply doing nothing…putting our head in the sand.

The first obvious conflict many women deal with is the message from their families that they should somehow know how to handle money, without being given any training. Did your parents teach you how to plan where you wanted to spend your money? And then analyze what was happening? And then figure out creative ways to get your needs met so you didn’t feel deprived if you didn’t have enough? And they taught you about savings and debt?

I hope you had those parents, but I’ve heard countless stories of people who learned nothing beyond a few conflicting financial platitudes.

• “Don’t go into debt. Here’s a credit card.”
• “You better live within your means (but we won’t teach you how to budget).”
• “Don’t talk about money (but make sure it doesn’t mess up your relationships).”
• “The rich get richer and the poor get poorer (There’s really nothing you can do. It’s all fate. Give up.)”
• “Make sure you can take care of yourself (but we won’t model how to earn your worth).”

Sometimes the opposing messages are stated and sometimes modeled. Sometimes your past messages conflict with your present life. Perhaps, for example, your parents said negative things about wealthy people, so you feel really bad about having wealth, even though you know your parents wanted good things for you.

Maybe they told you to save your money, but spent every dime that came in the door, so you never saw what savings looked like, though you know that somehow you’re supposed to be saving, so you just feel bad that you’re not.

Or maybe a parent never spent on themselves, and you feel bad when you do nice things for yourself, even though you have enough money.

When we are confronted with opposing money beliefs, we often react by cultivating an air of ambivalence around money. We work hard not to care about it and not think about it. We may even secretly feel we should be “above” money. Besides, if we do nothing, then maybe we won’t pick the wrong path.

The key is to begin to name the conflicting money beliefs. Then you can consciously move forward. As long as you are not aware of the conflict, you will likely feel unbalanced about money.

So what are your paradoxes? What conflicting messages have you inherited?

The Law of Distraction by Diane Lapine

by Todd Alan | Apr 25, 2013

I thought this was a very good read, It’s something to watch for and to be aware of………Now you know 🙂 ~ Todd

By Diane Lapine

The Four Control Dramas from the Celestine Prophecy ~ The Relationship Specialists

by Todd Alan | Apr 21, 2013

The sixth insight states that childhood dramas block our ability to fully experience the mystical. All humans, because of their upbringing, tend toward one of the four “control dramas”: intimidators steal energy from others by threat. Interrogators steal it by judging and questioning. Aloof people attract attention (and energy) to themselves by acting reserved or withdrawing. And poor me’s make us feel guilty and responsible for them.

The above description from James Redfield’s book, The Celestine Prophecy, defines four ways that people are in relationship with one another. All are attempts to control another’s behavior. What is this need we have to control? Why do we feel it is necessary?

We attempt to control and manipulate others because we believe that if they would change their behavior we would be happy and so would they. When people do things we don’t like, or when we’re not getting our way, we think they are wrong. Then, believing we are right and they are wrong, we think that we have the right to impose our beliefs on them. What we are attempting to do is protect our beliefs. How does this play out in a relationship?

Marilyn: Control dramas are a fascinating phenomena within a relationship. It is usually easy to pick out our partner’s drama, but rarely do we recognize how we play into it. For example, my former husband was a classic interrogator. I’m convinced that James Redfield coined the term after meeting him! A critical man, my ex continually poked and prodded and found fault in everything I said or did. Sometimes I wondered what kind of perverse pleasure he got out of finding me so inadequate. Nothing was ever good enough for him. He could question me at length about anything, even something as simple as grocery shopping: “How could it take you so long to shop for food? How much did you spend this week? How could you be so extravagant? Were all those purchases really necessary? Did we need two kinds of lettuce AND tomatoes? etc. I once bought a deli sandwich to split with my son. Seeing the sandwich on the receipt, my ex blew a gasket: “How dare you waste my money on a store-bought sandwich? You could have made one when you got home!” (This man earned a handsome salary; $3.00 was definitely not a hardship.) I often felt like I was on trial. It was so infuriating; I couldn’t win. During each interrogation I would ask myself: “Why do you bother trying to talk to him?; you know what the end result is going to be.” Eventually I quit trying. It was then that my control drama became clear. In case I need to name it for anyone, I am aloof.

After many years of being interrogated, I learned to protect myself by ignoring my ex as much as possible, remaining busy with children, work, school, or friends. I would refrain from telling him what was happening in my life and when I had to talk to him, I would be as vague as possible. He hated this behavior. What I didn’t recognize then are the wounds my detachment reopened for him, having grown up with a father that traveled extensively for his job; a father whose attention he wanted, but had to share with three other siblings; an aloof father.

This re-wounding pattern is what happens over and over again in relationship. We trigger our partner’s wounds and unknowingly re-wound them. They, in turn, trigger our wounds and we each continue to play out old patterns. The reason this happens is because as our relationships deepen, our partner unconsciously touches those parts of us which need to be healed. In the case of my relationship with my former husband, he needed help healing the wound that triggered his interrogation drama. He needed to learn a new, more appropriate way to get attention. I, on the other hand, needed help healing the wound that caused me to withdraw and act secretive, a wound that originated with a critical mother. Instead, we continued to re-wound one another. We were so caught up with fighting each other’s control dramas and proving ourselves to be right that there was no room for experiencing the joy of relationship, let alone catching a glimpse of the mystical.

The opposite of needing to control a relationship is trusting in it. In a conscious relationship there is no need or desire to control. It is not necessary to change our partner’s behavior or to protect our beliefs. Instead, we choose to trust ourselves, our partner, and the relationship. Depending on where we are in our growth, we can then can use the relationship to do our personal work: to recognize our wounds and control dramas; to work with our partner to heal ourselves; and, to move toward becoming more spiritual and finding higher meaning in our lives.

Chuck: Marilyn and I are both aloof. I know that when I go into a room I will wait for others to say hello to me. I once thought I was just shy, but now realize this behavior was developed over time so that I would not have to risk being vulnerable. It was a way I could control how people interacted with me.

I have used this behavior in all my relationships to maintain control. When Marilyn and I came together, we both knew what we wanted in a relationship, namely, an open, honest, sharing of ourself with another. Old patterns, however, are hard to die. When our relationship began, we had fights in which one of us would just leave. It could be leaving the room or leaving the house, but it was an attempt to control the other’s behavior by getting them to come after us. When we realized what we were doing, we began to change that behavior.

Instead of leaving, we made a conscious decision to stay and try to work through the issue. That meant being vulnerable and owning what we were feeling. For example: “I’m feeling very hurt about what you said.” In this way there was no blaming or trying to control. We found that because we care about each other, when we risk being honest about our feelings, the other person is naturally drawn to our vulnerability and therefore to us. We then talk about what happened and resolve it in the moment because neither of us feels blamed or controlled.

Lately we’ve taken this a step further by injecting humor into our conflicts. When one of us is inadvertently critical of the other, the injured person might say something like: “What type of feeling did you want me to have by your last statement?” Said in a humorous way it becomes a clue that the other was hurt and it is immediately dealt with, usually with an embarrassed laugh of recognition. We’re continually learning what it takes to overcome our control dramas. We still have disagreements, but because we both recognize our tendencies toward aloofness, we have an awareness of when we withdraw. We can then choose to break the habit by owning what’s going on in the moment and talking about what just happened. We are having fun with our attempts at humor and they usually work.

Marilyn and Chuck:This is our life’s work, exploring new ways to use our relationship for personal growth. It includes staying in integrity with ourselves and choosing to help heal instead of re-wound each other. We believe that one of the greatest gifts we can give the people in our lives is being 100% who we are. It is then that each person will be challenged and can take responsibility for their own lives, fears, and emotions. In this way we become whole.

This article, written by Marilyn and Chuck, is reprinted with permission from Woman’s Way Magazine. Copyright © 2001 the Relationship Specialists, Inc. All rights reserved.

Chuck and Marilyn maintain an exceptional blog here

Creativity – The Great Power ~ Andrea Adler

by Todd Alan | Apr 21, 2013

What is this great power? We know what it feels like when we are in the midst of it––when we are flying high and feeling indestructible. But how can we bring forth this great power when we want it, when we need it? How can we be patient when it doesn’t seem to exist? Before we dive into its consistencies and inconsistencies, let us define the word.

The dictionary tells us, creativity is the ability to use the imagination to develop new and original ideas or things . . . Creativity has been attributed to chance, accident, and serendipity.  It has been associated with genius, mental illness, and humor. Some say it is a trait we are born with; others say it can be taught with the application of simple techniques.

Is creativity an accident? Is it serendipitous? Is it a stroke of genius that we stumble upon from time to time? Or is it something intrinsic to our very nature?

We watch a great dancer pivot from one pirouette to another and wonder how in heaven’s name she can make it look so easy. We see an actor move seamlessly from one emotion to another, take on another persons’ persona and lose himself totally in the character. We see artists, musicians, and businesspeople prosper exponentially in their chosen fields, excelling without seeming to exert an ounce of struggle, as if their innate gift had surfaced from lifetimes of practice.

We know what this power feels like when it is present, because there is a sense of deep peace, boundlessness. The ego disappears, and we become one with an unwavering firmness and flexibility. We are “in the zone.”  Everything flows. In perfect balance, we become the steady flame in a windless space.

Andrea’s website http://www.holisticpr.com

Important 2013 update to Napoleon Hill’s “Think and Grow Rich” ~ Pam Grout

by Todd Alan | Apr 11, 2013

In 1937 when Napoleon Hill wrote his now-classic tome, quantum physics was still in diapers. Einstein, of course, had posited his famous theory of relativity, but quantum physicists didn’t completely understand how it worked.

To tell you the truth, they still have trouble making sense of the crazy quantum world that is changed by simple observation. As famous physicist Richard Feynman was known to say, “Nobody understands quantum mechanics.”

However, we do know with complete certainty that thoughts produce energy (much like invisible radio waves) and that they have a significant impact on your life. This energy, in fact, provides the building blocks for your life experience.

The update to Hill’s material should be this: “Think and BE Rich.” Time is irrelevant. You can “be rich” now. Money is only a representation of your “wealth consciousness” and “wealth consciousness” which is the true source of your financial picture is available right at this moment.

Money—or what we think of as money—bills, coins, etc.—are merely tools that demonstrate a person’s “wealth consciousness.” And, in fact, according to David Cameron Gikandi, only 4 percent of money in banks (depending on the country) exist in physical form. Furthermore, he says, “Money is not real. It’s a shadow of something else.”

So by expanding your consciousness into the true abundance of the world, you acquire what is in you already. As Gikandi says, “You have more wealth capability within you than you can possibly experience in a lifetime. Nor do you need to know how to convert wealth consciousness into paper money. It happens automatically when you expand your wealth consciousness.”

In the quantum world, you are connected to everything. You already have all the riches you could ever imagine. They exist right now as probability waves. But that’s the problem. You don’t imagine them.

You keep focusing on what you don’t have.

So back to Napoleon Hill. He advises people to come up with a date when they want a certain amount of money. Sometime in the future. But the trick in the quantum world is to “be rich now.” Again, all your riches already exist in the quantum world.

Being wealthy is an internal state. As Gikandi points out, “It has nothing to do with the outside world. The internal state of wealth is a decision you make right now and you become it right Now. You need nothing outside yourself to make this decision. Do not attempt to get wealth. Be wealth.

“Even in a billion lifetimes, you cannot possibly exhaust the wealthy given to you freely by life. But you can “fail” to receive it by your own thoughts, words, action, and most of all, your chosen states of being.”

The only thing standing in your way is your “wealth consciousness.” Isn’t it time to quit “thinking and growing rich?” Instead, it’s time to Think and BE Rich.

Pam Grout is the author of E-Squared: 9 Do-it-Yourself Energy Experiments that Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality.

Pam has more cool blog posts on her site here      Todd

Inner Peace Expert ~ Marlise Karlin

by Todd Alan | Apr 1, 2013

In researching one of my guests tomorrow I came across this video and had to share it pass it along, she will be on the show tomorrow.

Titled the “Inner Peace Expert” by SheKnows.com, Marlise has been interviewed on NBC and Fox News, spoken at Cesar Milan Events to ignite an intention of peace, is a contributor to The Huffington Post and Malika Chopra’s Intent.com. Upcoming appearances include The Omega Institute, The Kriplau Center, The Ultimate Women’s Expo, and Power Places Tours: Maya 2012.