Linda Carroll was once teaching an interpersonal communication class. During the “debate” section of the course, Linda tried an activity she called PILLOW TALK. This simple activity proved to be the foundation for inspiration to write a book about love and relationships.
Each person sat on a pillow on the floor. The first person stated his/her argument. When he/she was done, the second person sat on the same pillow and took on the argument of the opposing party. It worked so well, Linda tried it later on as a counselor.
“I worked with a couple on “lock down”. They needed therapy. They were ready to split despite having a good thing going. They had an issue around money, and they couldn’t work it out. The guy believed money was a means to pleasure. He had it, he spent it.
His partner believed money was security. Starvation was her concern. They had been together for many years, but were ready to leave each other.”Linda Carroll
When they first came into the room with Carroll as counselor, they began screaming at each other about their own points of view.
“I remembered PILLOW TALK and asked if they’d be willing to try something. I had them each talk about their position, and then they switched places. I had them each talk about the viewpoint of their partner as if it were their own viewpoint.”Linda Carroll
The man began to share how he’d grown up in a migrant family and there was never enough money. He’d wanted a basketball one Christmas, and only received socks.
The woman spoke about her father and mother who were dreamers. They were always starting something, and always spent money they didn’t have until they finally ended up homeless.
“When they got each other’s story, and they got each other’s differences, and they talked about it from the other persons viewpoint, they started laughing.”Linda Carroll
Linda asked us to remember:
- Neither of them changed their position on the issue, but they developed empathy for each other.
- They realized the other person wasn’t bad or wrong
“If couples knew more skills dealing with love, they wouldn’t need therapy.”Linda Carroll
Linda Carroll is the author of Love Cycles and Love Skills, which was launched last Friday on Valentines Day, February 14 2020. Her books are for people who aren’t so smart in how to thrive in relationships.
Although PILLOW TALK is not a focus of her books, it illustrates well why all of us need the skills Linda teaches.
Linda’s book is so valuable. She tells us the difference between LOVE and LOVING. She teaches us the Cycles of Love, which are:
- DOUBT AND DENIAL
- WHOLEHEARTED LOVING
There are quiz’s and exercises to take alone or with your partner. If all else fails, try a little PILLOW TALK