Robert Palmer’s ear worm of a song “Addicted to Love” describes love obsession in a rhythmic way:
Your lights are on, but you’re not home
Your mind is not your own
Your heart sweats, your body shakes
Another kiss is what it takes
You can’t sleep, you can’t eat
There’s no doubt, you’re in deep
Your throat is tight, you can’t breathe
Another kiss is all you need
Whoa, you like to think that you’re immune to the stuff, oh yeah
It’s closer to the truth to say you can’t get enough
You know you’re gonna have to face it, you’re addicted to love
Sherry Gaba, our most recent guest admits to being addicted to love.
“I’ve been married multiple times and want to relinquish the shame love addiction brings on. It’s never too late to recover.”Sherry Gaba
Sherry Gaba is a Certified Recovery Coach and Psychotherapist. She is also the author of Infinite Recovery, The Law of Sobriety, The Marriage and Relationship Junkie, and a new book to be released Sept 22nd: Love Smacked. How to Stop the Cycle of Relationship Addiction and Codependency to Find Everlasting Love
Love and relationship addiction are process addictions which result in the same brain activity as drug addiction. Any addict needs a fix. With love addicts, they long for an attachment when break ups occur.
“The love addict chases that first high – the drug of that first love of adolescence or early adulthood.”Sherry Gaba
The relationship addict will:
- Over-adapt to what others want
- Fear letting go of a relationship
- Fear the unknown without a partner
- Need to be in a relationship to feel whole
- Look to others for affirmation
- Give up who they are for fear of losing a partner
“Being alone is scary for a relationship addict, and it begins with early trauma.”Sherry Gaba
Sherry was a preemie. Living for two and a half months in an incubator meant she was not held, there was no human contact or bonding, and she was fed through her feet.
“I didn’t meet my mother until I was more than 2 months old, and then she was unavailable throughout child-hood. I was a love addict from the get-go.”Sherry Gaba
It took years for Sherry to understand her obsession with love and relationships, and through therapy work she now makes choices from an embodied place rather than in desperation.
“Healing from addiction is a discovery of yourself.”Sherry Gaba
Since all addiction comes from early child-hood trauma, you may be prone to addiction yourself. Did you experience any of the following?
- Divorced parents
- Neglectful parents
- Premature birth
- Child-hood injuries
- Addicted or alcoholic parents
You may likely respond to pain as an infant would respond. As an adult you may be clingy, always looking for acceptance and recognition, and do not feel you are enough or have enough.
“A love addict will unconsciously attempt to satisfy his/her need to belong in many ways. The desire is simply an illusion of what love will give you; a fantasy of what you want.”Sherry Gaba
Sherry’s own mother married a con man after Sherry’s father died because she felt lost without her husband. Despite being 70 years old, she was vulnerable like a child searching for love and belonging, insecure and needy.
Sherry’s mother was taken advantage of financially, physically, and emotionally by a man she likely did not love.
“An illusion which was devastating to the whole family.”Sherry Gaba
Sherry can help you and loved ones heal from the addictions related to love, relationships and codependency. Becoming aware is the first step.
Her gift to help you become more aware is an eBook titled: “The Truth About Codependency”
If you want to be in a healthy relationship start by empowering yourself to be happy in your own skin. Have confidence to say what you feel and be strong on your own.