Drama Rama

Guest Post by Coach Debby:

A question was raised on Facebook:  What would be an accurate acronym for Drama?  Many people chimed in!  But we might want to explore that there are two very active participants in the game of drama:  The one who is vocal and the one who withdraws into silence (but is gossiping and blaming behind your back).

The word, “drama” is most often associated with the person who is acting out– hostile, belligerent, throwing things, swearing, causing a full-blown mess.  This person is easily categorized as “insane” by all of his or her bystanders.  Yet another active member in the game of drama is the one who withdraws, conceals information, holds a silent grudge, coddles resentment, and gossips.  This person may be very quiet during the “scene,” but has an acute ability to fuel the fire.  Sometimes, this is the person who “started it” but vanished or kept very quiet when the other party exploded.

Thanks to meetings in church basements that focused entirely on relationships (Al-anon) I became very aware that I had a history of playing both parts in the game of drama.  Owning my part was the only chance I had for healing; I had to realize that drama is both vocal and silent and I was a willing participant.

That hurt!  I had always thought drama was other peoples’ problems.  I hated the stuff, but no degree of hate could make it go away.  It seemed to be all around me.  I had to find my part.

Anyone active in the game of drama is unwilling to take complete responsibility for his or her feelings, and eventually for his or her actions.  To communicate effectively, we have to know what we feel, not simply what we think.  I messed this up for years.  YEARS!  I believed if I knew what I thought and conveyed it kindly, all would be fine.  Not hardly.

For any of us to heal our role in the game of drama, we must have the courage to be honest with our feelings and show up for communication.  We all know that throwing material objects is physically destructive and screaming obscenities is, perhaps, a fabulous release, but very destructive to the relationship.  What we might miss, however, is that withdrawing into resentment, gossiping, and blaming is emotionally destructive.  No matter how tight-lipped gossipers and blamers try to be, they fuel their belief system into thinking they are right.  This bans all opportunity for open communication and connection.

Here’s the key:  Drama is always around the person who cannot own and manage his or her feelings.  Get honest with thyself.  Get clear how you feel.  Communicate openly.  OWN YOUR PART.  Otherwise, you may be an instigator or a  player in the game of drama.