by admin | Nov 16, 2015
by Coach Debby
What does your day look like today?
Go ahead, check out your calendar. How many things must you get done?
Take a look at the week; have you penciled in time for yourself?
Do you know how to have time for YOU in the midst of a demanding schedule?
Some years ago, I learned that I was making time for everything and everyone, but I made no time for myself. I told myself this little lie: since I am doing work I love, I don’t really need free time.
Like most of us, I needed a wake-up call to get in touch with needs, and it happened one Saturday afternoon while I was playing “slave” to my computer.
My good friend Yvonne called and wanted to go to yoga together, but I had not been in months, so I was afraid a vigorous class would torment my body. I also heard from Tracy who reminded me I had not been to writing group lately.
She braced the blow with, “You just need to bring one new page of writing.” But they had already seen my last page months ago. I could not remember when I last took time for my own writing.
And then that evening, I heard from my mom who wanted me to fly down for a visit – a mother and daughter retreat – but I could not foresee any time to make it happen.
My mind recalled a day with mom at Venice Beach — how was I going to make time for another great day?
I fell into a situational depression.
How did I become this person who gets through the day of work and has no personal time? How did I lose the healthy attachment to my very own life?
I loved my job – loved working with students – but the demand to keep up with the workload was huge. I was spending 50 hours of my week at a computer.
This plan robbed me of evenings and weekends. It robbed me of time for my health, hobbies, and happiness. It robbed me of my most important relationships.
My commitment to my job was more like a commitment to a thief!
Do you see this in your own life? If so, I can tell you it just takes a moment to make a new decision.
Truly.
Let yourself have a moment to make a shift.
Sit down with a big, blank sheet of paper and chart out your life! Figure out how you might stop “doing” your life, and instead, commit to “being” your life. Where and when and how might you “be” with your work and family? How might you “be” aware of your interests and enjoy time for them TODAY?
Start now. Even if it means you only shift 30 minutes of “doing time” into “being time,” make it happen. And watch yourself – you’ll get hooked, and you will continue to make more time for being.
Remember, this is your life.
by admin | Nov 6, 2015
by Todd Alan
I’ve been reading a lot about pharmaceuticals recently and after having Dr. Eric Maisel back on the show, I’ve been thinking even more.
Now, Eric went way more in depth, but in the interest of a blog post and the interest of exploring what we can do right now to help ourselves, I wanted to write again about gratitude.
We’re all hearing more and more about how drugs like Ritalin or Wellbutrin release some of the same chemicals(serotonin, oxytocin) in our brains as when we practice gratitude.
This habit comes naturally for some, and not so much for others. We have to practice.
Affirmations work wonders:
“I’m always where I’m supposed to be when I’m supposed to be there.”
“We’re never given more than we can handle in one day.”
“I’m so grateful for friends and family.”
“The Universe supports me in all my desires.”
Or lots of people keep a gratitude journal. At the end of the day or beginning of the day, we need to tune in and make a record of what’s sustaining us. What are we grateful for?
It’s my belief we are energy beings. We’re a walkin’ talkin’ electronic machine. We work off energy like, yes, food but also the good energy, the positive chemicals we need to replenish ourselves with.
By noting what we’re grateful for, it releases those chemicals I spoke of earlier and melts stress. Now we become less stressed about the frivolous BS that is happening in our lives that is causing us to have unhappy thoughts.
Having gratitude is a way of saying, here’s reality; here’s what’s real. Here’s what really matters.
Gratitude is how we stay anchored.
Now, a word to the skeptics:
In AA, there’s a saying: “Believe that I believe until you can believe.”
When we’re all bent out of shape and crusted over from the circumstances in our life, we’re hesitant and resistant to have gratitude. Maybe you believe there’s nothing to be grateful for. But if you can at least believe that someone else believes that things will turn around when you practice gratitude and faith in a Higher Power, then eventually, you will believe too.
The program (or your life) won’t “work” until you believe in something.
by admin | Oct 30, 2015
It’s great to have a dream, vision, and goal, yet once we’ve done all we can to manifest our desires, we have to detach ourselves from the outcome.
A lot of times, we become attached to a story. We have this vision of how our lives are supposed to look – nice house, nice car, 2.5 kids OR we’re supposed to be traveling and seeing the world or publishing a book.
And we hold on really tight to the story of what should be or what has to be, failing to notice everything that does work or is fantastic about our lives right this second.
When we attach to these stories, we put conditions on our happiness.
We’ll say, “I’m not going to be happy until I lose 10 lbs.” Or, “When I get a better job, I’ll be happy.” “Once we close on the house, I can relax.” “Once I have the money to buy my ticket, I’ll be stoked.”
Your life is a journey that deserves far more freedom than this; we cannot confine happiness and joy in these “when this, then that” stories. This habit can and does make us miserable if not crazy.
One seemingly small but powerful remedy to this kind of thinking is to take a minute, especially if things aren’t going according to plan, and consider all your little detours or, as I like to call them, micro journeys. Consider the last time you got a little off track (perhaps you’re there now), and see if you can pinpoint the value in that detour.
Maybe that horrible boyfriend led to a realization or the crap job led to making a new friend, or maybe the vacation you DID get to tropical paradise was a disaster because it rained the whole time, but you got a lot of reading done in your hotel!
The difficult times and the careful consideration of those difficult times are all part of the exploration and journey of life.
Where is there an opportunity to learn something? If you weren’t happy about it in the moment, can you see some value in it now?
A shift in perspective is a way of detaching from what didn’t or isn’t happening.
Now, I’m not saying we should forget about what we want. I am saying that we have to take an active role in noticing what is working and what we’ve learned.
So let’s back up a second and revisit those big picture desires, the BIG things we want out of life – the Europe vacation, the published book, the new house.
If you’re noticing the good stuff happening in the day-to-day, we have a lot more room for happiness now. Also, NOW we can relax and notice where we can take another step toward our big desire.
We aren’t fiercely groping at it. We still want it, but we are detached from that exact outcome because we see more gifts in today.
by admin | Oct 23, 2015
Music in the backyard
One way to keep hanging out in the flow of abundance is to give – give with no expectation of something in return.
From holding the door open for the person behind you, to donating money, or to donating time in the form of service, these are all excellent forms of giving.
3 Things happen when we do this:
- We get to feel good about ourselves all day.
- The person on the receiving end of our gifts is feeling the good energy and passing it along.
- Those who bear witness to this exchange are also positively affected by this kindness.
In other words, we can make changes in the world around us simply by giving.
The best part is that giving can be something we love to do. This is what giving looks like in my own life:
My and Debby’s show, Life Mastery Radio, is one way I give to our listeners – it’s a free show, but it’s not free for me. I give it my time and my money.
I do it because I love being a radio show host but also to put different thoughts and ideas into the world. Our show, I believe, helps people make better choices.
My Toast Masters community is another way I give back through service – nobody pays me to be there.
Bottom line is, I’ve enjoyed a bountiful life, and I know it.
Life Mastery Radio is a way for me to show gratitude and give back.
And while getting something in return isn’t why I do the show, I do notice how I reap the benefits of this giving:
I get lots of street cred for being a radio show host. And I get to rub elbows once a week with authors and thought leaders while getting the scoop on cutting edge ideas.
So you may think that you don’t have anything to give away – time or money. But you do.
And you may already be doing so without realizing it.
Holding the door open for the person behind you, buying someone a cup of coffee, stopping by to check on your neighbor whom you know has been sick – these are all perfect opportunities to help others, help ourselves, change the world, and stay in the flow.
by admin | Oct 17, 2015
We hear a lot of chatter about the dos and don’ts of attracting what we want. And even recently on the blog, I’ve talked about visualizing a desire, attaching an emotion to that desire, and then sealing the deal with gratitude when discussing the Law of Abundance.
But one major component to achieving our goals and dreams that probably isn’t talked about enough is taking action.
We have to take action on our own behalves. Spirit will take care of the rest.
Back in the day when I worked for another hydraulics company, I read an article about Baltimore Hydraulics. BH was everything I thought a machine shop should be; it was my ideal.
I taped that article to the wall of my office and later when I quit that job, I started my own business knowing nothing about being a businessman.
I knew nothing about management, accounting…nothing.
So I took a lot of action and studied what I needed to study about being a business owner and sought out the right people to talk to. As I progressed, and my old customers found out I wasn’t at the old shop, they began tracking me down to fix their stuff.
Years later, as a machine shop built up around me, I realized I had recreated Baltimore Hydraulics, my ideal machine shop.
Another notable thing that happened during that time was, as my business was growing, I realized I needed more money. I had to create a business plan for the bank.
They asked that I predict and forecast sales for the future, so me being me, I put all blue sky down in writing – best case scenario.
So the bank says, okay, here’s some money, have fun. Hard to believe when I had no business background. I was just good at fixing machines.
Years later, I was cleaning out my desk and found that old business plan. Out of curiosity, I double-checked those cash flow projections, and I hit those numbers almost exactly for the first three years.
That’s evidence of the power of putting a dream on paper – it’s a great first action step.
So you might be wondering, what are other ways to take action?
Because sometimes we’re trucking along and get stumped; we don’t know what else to do.
Action can be as simple as doing a Google search or taking a trip to Barnes & Noble to see what books you can find.
Look for inspiration in magazines, music, nature.
It can be placing a call, asking for help, and checking in with your “knower.” Ask it – what do I do next? What do I try and where do I go?
Big steps like taking a class or small ones like a trip to the bookstore all qualify as action.
Put yourself in the stream of opportunity with action and spirit will direct opportunity to your path.
by admin | Oct 8, 2015
by Todd Alan
Once I sponsored a man in AA who was having some difficulty with a certain situation. One of those situations that’s hard to shake.
It had him down in the gutter, and was making him uncomfortable.
So, I had him do a little exercise that involved writing out three paragraphs. I call this the “magical potion”:
In paragraph 1, you write down the situation (this might actually be more like a sentence or two).
In paragraph 2, you write down the facts.
In paragraph 3, you write down the truth, careful to use good, positive descriptive words in this paragraph.
For example, let’s say you’re broke.
The situation is you don’t have any money.
The facts might be something like:
“The rent is $700.00 a month. I’m making $15.00 an hour at a part-time job. Currently, my employer doesn’t have more hours to give. I’m on food assistance. My roommate makes more money and is probably worried that I will come up short. I’m worried I’ll come up short. I can’t afford the show everyone’s going to tonight. And I want that cappuccino I see that woman drinking through the café window. But it’s probably five friggin’ dollars, and that’ll leave me with about 10 dollars for the rest of the week.”
The truth might be something like:
“I took an adventurous risk to transition into a different career. It’s only part-time for now, but it could be full-time later. It was a risk, but I felt solid enough to leap. I am perfectly capable of finding more work and making more money. I’m a kind person, a brave person, and I’ve had friends comment they wish they were courageous enough to take their own leap. Just because my culture tends to attach a person’s monetary worth to their personal worth does not mean I have to fall for it. I am loved, and I have a few special people in my life who want me to succeed. I am bold which can, sometimes, lead to these uncomfortable circumstances. I am an artist, which means I’m creative and will thus find a way to change my circumstances. I will have money again.”
It doesn’t seem like much but this potion has great power. It’s an exercise designed to change how you view the situation, which often changes the outcome of the situation. It’s also a demonstration of how the truth doesn’t necessarily match the facts.
To quote Wayne Dyer, when you change the way you look at things, you change the way things look.
The AA guy called me back within 3 hours and his entire perspective had changed. He was almost proud to be in that situation, as he knew it was making him stronger.
by admin | Oct 2, 2015
by Coach Debby
It’s such a big word: Integrity! Wow – it sounds so bold and confident! It’s right up there with Nobility or Royalty. Fabulous word.
It was my coach, Alan Cohen, who really showed me that integrity is the adult version of honesty.
In a conversation with Alan, he summed it up neatly and said adults either claim integrity as part of their character or they simply don’t get it. They either show their real face or they hide.
Naturally, kids look to adults to understand truth telling. But again, Alan pointed out that, unconsciously, parents can be poor examples who chip away at a child’s sense of an accurate moral compass.
Parents taught us it was okay to lie because they included us in the so-called and harmless “little white lies.”
Both Todd and I grew up with what seemed like baby fibs.
“My dad and I spent a lot of weekends working on the house and generating huge appetites. Sometimes we’d head to the hardware store before dinner and grab a double scooped ice-cream cone on the way back. It felt great going down, but we’d enter the house feeling guilty. Dad always covered for us, “Oh, we were just running some errands.” Wink, wink.
Father and son have formed a pact – don’t tell your mother. But girls have to endure the same thing from a busy mom who’s trying to do a million and one things around the house.
I was always the one at home who answered the phone (think old rotary 1970’s model). It was my job to check in with my mom before picking up that phone, and notoriously, she’d say, “If it’s for me, tell them I’m not here.”
I was the trusted secretary, and just like Todd, I loved having this pact with my entrusted parent. It felt sneaky in a good way.
Yet all of these tiny ways of being leave an imprint, one that is very hard to undo.
And it was an issue for Todd and I as we started dating. I would catch myself rushing around, so I’d skip his call. I also knew he was snacking before my delicious meals.
We had patterns, tiny little lies, and we were on the fast track to thinking we were very independent and did not have to account for all of our time.
At a retreat in Maui, Todd and I were listening to Alan share his wisdom and I wrote this down:
“Integrity is part of waking up. You choose to close the gap between who you are and how you are living.”
I noticed that he was not placing any blame on our examples. His message was clear: “You choose.”
Truly, there was my wake up call. I knew I had little gaps. I knew I had to get very real – become an adult! – and make sure I was not hiding. Anything.
Todd always says, “Any of us can tell if we’re acting with integrity. Just say something, and if you feel a little knot in your gut, ya missed it.”
by admin | Sep 24, 2015
by Todd Alan
Here’s a very simple story that happened to me recently that illustrates how the law of abundance works:
I gave my daughter some money for her swim team. In return, I would get a sweatshirt out of the deal with my name on it.
A couple of days later, I get a text from my other daughter who needs money for a winter coat. For whatever reason, I had a vision of 100 dollars in mind in the form of 10 crisp 10 dollar bills I would give to her.
But then I began thinking about the details.
I had to go to the bank, get the money, drive to her bank, deposit the money, and all of a sudden the details got complicated, as the task involved a lot of running around. How was I going to get this done?
I had to stop overthinking and let it go.
Well, hardly 10 minutes later, someone walked up and handed over some cash for a machine I sold, so no trip to the bank. Thirty minutes later, my daughter on the swim team shows up with my sweatshirt. It just so happens she and her sister bank at the same place.
I handed the money over to her to make the deposit for me, and I never had to leave my shop.
Like I said…simple.
I believe that when we envision as opposed to strategizing, we don’t get attached to an outcome. It’s like surrendering to the idea that we will get some help. This idea helps us to lessen our worry and sense of lack.
Magical things happen when we step into the flow and practice these metaphysical principles.
Okay, so to recap the Law of Abundance (a topic first introduced in the blog post last week): We create the vision, affirm it with positive emotions, and say thank you. With some time, this allows us to step into the flow as illustrated in my story above.
But this begs another question: How much abundance can you handle?
Perhaps you get something you want and then promptly dismiss the miracle. Or you experience guilt that you’ve received too much or fear that you will never receive again. This negativity dams the flow and the flow becomes stagnant.
Ever felt “stuck” in your life?
When things don’t flow the way we feel they should, when we second-guess our gifts, or we feel stuck, we tend to get pretty nasty with ourselves.
If we talked to our best friend the way we talked to ourselves, we wouldn’t have that friend anymore. We have scarcity thoughts; we react to our fears. These habits dam the flow.
So if you’re taking all the right steps – you’re envisioning, you’re associating the vision with positive emotions, you’re grateful, you’re addressing your negativity in a loving way – but you’re still not seeing any variation of your dreams, take heart.
Because there’s something tricky about abundance I haven’t mentioned yet:
When a freight train is headed down the track, it isn’t going to stop when you hit the stop button. It has to roll out. That’s what happens when we start to work with the law of abundance. It takes a little while to change our thinking and get going. It’s a practice.
In the meantime, Spirit has to organize the universe in order to send opportunities your way.
So keep working at it and keep your eyes and heart open – the gift is on its way.
by admin | Sep 21, 2015
by Todd Alan
Just like there’s the Law of Thermodynamics and the Law of Nature, there’s also The Law of Abundance.
And the Law of Abundance states that there’s more than enough in the universe to provide for everyone.
But the thing about the Law of Abundance I’ve noticed is that people tend to get hung up on the monetary stuff. The Law of Abundance isn’t just about money.
It’s also about happiness, love, and relationship. We can call abundance into all areas of our lives.
The big question is how. How do we call abundance into our lives? Well, I’ll tell you:
1. We think about what we’d like to manifest, what we want, what we want more of, and we tie an emotion to it.
Let’s say you wanted a new relationship – imagine what that relationship feels like. What emotions to you experience within that relationship?
When we get a clear vision and tie in some strong, positive emotions to that one desire, it becomes anchored. Strong, positive emotions gets Spirit’s ears to “perk up.”
But I must warn you:
If we sit back and think, I don’t have it; I’m not going to get it – then you’re thinking of lack. Spirit doesn’t understand the difference in what you want or don’t want – it gives you more of what you focus on.
If you focus on what you lack, more lack will come. If you focus on the positive emotions of what you want and what you already have, more of what you want will come.
Crushing the thoughts of lack and not having is critical. Remember, what we think about is what we get.
2. Close the loop with gratitude.
That’s right. Closing the loop with the Law of Abundance requires gratitude. Every night before bed, you have to be grateful. Put positive energy into that gratefulness. We communicate to Spirit that we’re receiving the goodness of the flow by the gratitude we send back to it.
Gratitude also lets Spirit know you’re in reception mode.
The gray matter between our ears is the most complicated transceiver ever produced. We put the message out there and when we receive something back, whatever it is, we send another message out that we received it and we’re thankful!
We’re like CB radios and we really do have a conversation going!
by admin | Sep 11, 2015
At one point, I owned a model airplane field. People came there to fly their airplanes and had for many years before I bought it from the previous owner.
My dad flew on that field. My grandfather flew on that field. Families made memories there, so the place was very dear to me.
My father and I used to sit out there and dream of buying it. And one day, when I was grown up, the owner walked over and mentioned he was selling the field. That’s when I bought it!
I had a real vision for the place; it was going to have a racetrack and a paved runway. This was my thing – to grow the vision.
And for five years, my vision provided a place for old-time flyers to convene, fly their planes, and hang out with friends. I made space for families to connect and have fun. My dream had come true…
After a while, though, new housing development started to encroach on the field. The new residents complained of the noise. One resident, in particular, was quite upset about it, and he spent tons of money taking me to court.
Though he lost every time, this man had the money to keep going, and I was losing the steam to keep defending myself. The airplane field, the place I was so passionate about, was being restricted. It wasn’t the same.
One day I asked myself – is this it or not it?
Meaning, is this my purpose? Is this the path I’m supposed to keep traveling? The answer?…..
No.
My “inner-knower” not only answered “no” but also told me to sell it. Remember, this was my DREAM, my purpose. I was heart sick to sell it. But I knew it was the right thing to do.
Sell it, the voice said. And sell it to the man who has been taking you to court because he’ll buy it. I called my real estate agent and told him to get in touch with my nemesis, who purchased the property for twice the market value, cash.
My focus went back into my machine shop, which started to make money again. Shortly after I sold, I joined ToastMasters and because of ToastMasters, I got involved in radio.
The experience of losing the field was a huge lesson in detachment and getting honest about my purpose. Opportunities, people, paths, can come into our lives for a reason, for a specific purpose, but things do change and we have to switch gears.
When we ask: is this it or not it? We will have our answers.
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