The healthy attachment to my very own life…

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by Coach Debby

What does your day look like today? 

Go ahead, check out your calendar.  How many things must you get done?

Take a look at the week; have you penciled in time for yourself?

Do you know how to have time for YOU in the midst of a demanding schedule?

Some years ago, I learned that I was making time for everything and everyone, but I made no time for myself.  I told myself this little lie: since I am doing work I love, I don’t really need free time.

Like most of us, I needed a wake-up call to get in touch with needs, and it happened one Saturday afternoon while I was playing “slave” to my computer.

My good friend Yvonne called and wanted to go to yoga together, but I had not been in months, so I was afraid a vigorous class would torment my body.  I also heard from Tracy who reminded me I had not been to writing group lately.

She braced the blow with, “You just need to bring one new page of writing.” But they had already seen my last page months ago.  I could not remember when I last took time for my own writing.

And then that evening, I heard from my mom who wanted me to fly down for a visit – a mother and daughter retreat – but I could not foresee any time to make it happen.

My mind recalled a day with mom at Venice Beach — how was I going to make time for another great day?

I fell into a situational depression. 

How did I become this person who gets through the day of work and has no personal time?  How did I lose the healthy attachment to my very own life?

I loved my job – loved working with students – but the demand to keep up with the workload was huge.  I was spending 50 hours of my week at a computer.

This plan robbed me of evenings and weekends.  It robbed me of time for my health, hobbies, and happiness.  It robbed me of my most important relationships.

My commitment to my job was more like a commitment to a thief!  

Do you see this in your own life?  If so, I can tell you it just takes a moment to make a new decision.

Truly.

Let yourself have a moment to make a shift. 

Sit down with a big, blank sheet of paper and chart out your life!  Figure out how you might stop “doing” your life, and instead, commit to “being” your life.  Where and when and how might you “be” with your work and family?  How might you “be” aware of your interests and enjoy time for them TODAY?

Start now.  Even if it means you only shift 30 minutes of “doing time” into “being time,” make it happen.  And watch yourself – you’ll get hooked, and you will continue to make more time for being.

Remember, this is your life.

Spiraling Up, Out of Depression with Alex Korb

Alex Korb

November 17, 2015 – A yoga practice or a gratitude practice are what some people believe is good for them. But sometimes it takes someone with a Ph.D. to convince the skeptics that this is true.

Enter Alex Korb, neuroscientist and author of the book, The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression.

Regardless of how much you rely on science to believe or disbelieve in something, Alex’s findings add another layer of wonderful complexity as to why certain experiences occur.

In this Life Mastery Radio interview, Alex talks about neuroplasticity, habits, and why a positive approach especially can help us stick to our plan to change.

What is really happening when you start a new diet or exercise plan only to be disinterested a week later?

 

Formal Bio:

 

Alex Korb, Ph.D., is a postdoctoral researcher in neuroscience at UCLA.

He earned a BS in neuroscience from Brown University in 2002, and his Ph.D. at UCLA in 2010. He is a postdoctoral scholar at UCLA., and is developing therapeutic focused ultrasound neuromodulation for treatment of mental and neurological disorders.

His other research interests include using measurements of brain activity in depressed patients to predict antidepressant treatment response. He works as a scientific consultant.

Outside of the lab he coaches the UCLA women’s ultimate frisbee team, where he uses his knowledge of brain and behavior to unlock their peak performance.

His book, The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression (link is external) (New Harbinger Publications)is now available in paperback (also on kindle and audiobook).

 

Listen to “Spiraling out of depression with Alex Korb 11/17/15” on Spreaker.

Here’s What Really Matters

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by Todd Alan

I’ve been reading a lot about pharmaceuticals recently and after having Dr. Eric Maisel back on the show, I’ve been thinking even more.

Now, Eric went way more in depth, but in the interest of a blog post and the interest of exploring what we can do right now to help ourselves, I wanted to write again about gratitude.

We’re all hearing more and more about how drugs like Ritalin or Wellbutrin release some of the same chemicals(serotonin, oxytocin) in our brains as when we practice gratitude.

This habit comes naturally for some, and not so much for others. We have to practice.

Affirmations work wonders:

“I’m always where I’m supposed to be when I’m supposed to be there.”

“We’re never given more than we can handle in one day.”

“I’m so grateful for friends and family.”

“The Universe supports me in all my desires.”

Or lots of people keep a gratitude journal. At the end of the day or beginning of the day, we need to tune in and make a record of what’s sustaining us. What are we grateful for?

It’s my belief we are energy beings. We’re a walkin’ talkin’ electronic machine. We work off energy like, yes, food but also the good energy, the positive chemicals we need to replenish ourselves with.

By noting what we’re grateful for, it releases those chemicals I spoke of earlier and melts stress. Now we become less stressed about the frivolous BS that is happening in our lives that is causing us to have unhappy thoughts.

Having gratitude is a way of saying, here’s reality; here’s what’s real. Here’s what really matters.

Gratitude is how we stay anchored.

Now, a word to the skeptics:

In AA, there’s a saying: “Believe that I believe until you can believe.”

When we’re all bent out of shape and crusted over from the circumstances in our life, we’re hesitant and resistant to have gratitude. Maybe you believe there’s nothing to be grateful for. But if you can at least believe that someone else believes that things will turn around when you practice gratitude and faith in a Higher Power, then eventually, you will believe too.

The program (or your life) won’t “work” until you believe in something.

Success in the Long Term Relationship with Angeline Hart

Angeline Hart

Angeline Hart

November 10, 2015 – Couples are the basic unit on this earth, and if we could have happier, longer lasting relationships, happier families, and children raised in environments where they feel loved and accepted, we would have happier communities.

Angeline Hart is a relationship coach and the creator of the quiz, Gorilla Love.

The “Man-imal” types help women to pinpoint the man they’re with and learn more about the one they’re seeking.

The quiz helps women to recognize what’s most important to them and maybe even recognize that some of the qualities they’re seeking are available outside of their romantic relationships.

In this interview, Angeline describes two “man-imal” qualities women should avoid: the Rat and the Crab.

These men are prone to blaming and criticism – a habit and mindset that protects them from vulnerability.

The man’s true nature lies beneath Rat and Crab, but Gorillas, Panthers, and Pandas are out there for the taking.

To hear more about “man-imans” and Angeline’s compassionate approach to relationship, go here.

 

Formal Bio:

 

Angeline Hart is a Relationship Coach with a unique perspective. Although her focus includes helping her clients work through the jungle of dating, she builds toward success in the long term relationship.

Primarily she works with women and initially helps them to see men in new ways.

Today’s media seems to encourage a surface approach based on appearances, such as six-pack abs, thick, wavy hair, and a hot car, ie: Magic Mike or “the sexiest man of the year.”

Rather than use an appearance based 1-10 scale, Angeline classifies men into 12 categories with the names of different animals, which she calls Man-imals.

You can read her blogs on her FaceBook page: “Gorillas Make Great Lovers”, which is also the title of her forthcoming book. Take the man-imal quiz at www.GorillaLove.com.

Angeline can be contacted at Angeline@GorillaLove.com.

 

Listen to “Success in the Long Term Relationship with Angeline Hart 11/10/15” on Spreaker.

Detaching from Your Story by Todd Alan and Caroline Mays

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It’s great to have a dream, vision, and goal, yet once we’ve done all we can to manifest our desires, we have to detach ourselves from the outcome.

A lot of times, we become attached to a story. We have this vision of how our lives are supposed to look – nice house, nice car, 2.5 kids OR we’re supposed to be traveling and seeing the world or publishing a book.

And we hold on really tight to the story of what should be or what has to be, failing to notice everything that does work or is fantastic about our lives right this second.

When we attach to these stories, we put conditions on our happiness.

We’ll say, “I’m not going to be happy until I lose 10 lbs.” Or, “When I get a better job, I’ll be happy.” “Once we close on the house, I can relax.” “Once I have the money to buy my ticket, I’ll be stoked.”

Your life is a journey that deserves far more freedom than this; we cannot confine happiness and joy in these “when this, then that” stories. This habit can and does make us miserable if not crazy.

One seemingly small but powerful remedy to this kind of thinking is to take a minute, especially if things aren’t going according to plan, and consider all your little detours or, as I like to call them, micro journeys. Consider the last time you got a little off track (perhaps you’re there now), and see if you can pinpoint the value in that detour.

Maybe that horrible boyfriend led to a realization or the crap job led to making a new friend, or maybe the vacation you DID get to tropical paradise was a disaster because it rained the whole time, but you got a lot of reading done in your hotel!

The difficult times and the careful consideration of those difficult times are all part of the exploration and journey of life.

Where is there an opportunity to learn something? If you weren’t happy about it in the moment, can you see some value in it now?

A shift in perspective is a way of detaching from what didn’t or isn’t happening.

Now, I’m not saying we should forget about what we want. I am saying that we have to take an active role in noticing what is working and what we’ve learned.

So let’s back up a second and revisit those big picture desires, the BIG things we want out of life – the Europe vacation, the published book, the new house.

If you’re noticing the good stuff happening in the day-to-day, we have a lot more room for happiness now. Also, NOW we can relax and notice where we can take another step toward our big desire.

We aren’t fiercely groping at it. We still want it, but we are detached from that exact outcome because we see more gifts in today.

Rethinking Mental Health with Dr. Eric Maisel

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November 3rd, 2015“We’re getting close to labeling childhood as a mental disorder.”

Psychiatrist and Creativity Coach, Dr. Eric Maisel, gives us a much closer look at the state of mental health and its effect on all of us, especially children.

In this interview, we see how normal childhood behaviors and normal human experiences are being called symptoms of a mental disorder.

As a culture, we need to see the difference between medicine and a chemical with an effect.

As it stands, our language and our chronic labeling are doing us all a huge disservice.

Eric goes on to speak of the changes he’d like to see, including the training of mental health practitioners.

These practitioners would care deeply about a patient’s circumstances.

Instead of chemicals and diagnosis, life purpose, meaning, and meaning-making opportunities would be on the table and part of the discussion.

Formal Bio:

Dr. Eric Maisel has written more than 40 books on a wide variety of subjects. His latest book is The Future of Mental Health: Deconstructing the Mental Disorder Paradigm and describes a future of mental health movement that he is spearheading.

His interests include creativity, meaning, life purpose, and mental health. He works with clients as a creativity coach, trains creativity coaches, and provides core trainings for the Creativity Coaching Association. He also offers writing workshops around the world in places like London, Paris, Prague, Rome, New York and San Francisco and at workshop centers like Esalen, Kripalu and Omega.

He is an advocate for a changed and revitalized view of mental health services, one that does away with our current mental disorder naming system, and is writing the Rethinking Mental Health blog for Psychology Today.

Some of his books in this area include Rethinking DepressionThe Van Gogh BluesBrainstorm, and his latest, The Future of Mental Health. 

In it, he describes what he conceives as the helper of the future, the human experience specialist. You can learn more about this by taking his Human Experience Specialist class.

Eric is an advocate for a global paradigm shift from seeking meaning to making meaning. He’s written about value-based meaning-making in many of his books, including in his latest, Life Purpose Boot Camp.

 

Listen to “Mental Health and Creative Purpose with Eric Maisel 11/03/15” on Spreaker.

Giving and the Flow of Abundance

Music in the backyard

Music in the backyard

One way to keep hanging out in the flow of abundance is to give – give with no expectation of something in return.

From holding the door open for the person behind you, to donating money, or to donating time in the form of service, these are all excellent forms of giving.

3 Things happen when we do this:

  1. We get to feel good about ourselves all day.
  2. The person on the receiving end of our gifts is feeling the good energy and passing it along.
  3. Those who bear witness to this exchange are also positively affected by this kindness.

In other words, we can make changes in the world around us simply by giving.

The best part is that giving can be something we love to do. This is what giving looks like in my own life:

My and Debby’s show, Life Mastery Radio, is one way I give to our listeners – it’s a free show, but it’s not free for me. I give it my time and my money.

I do it because I love being a radio show host but also to put different thoughts and ideas into the world. Our show, I believe, helps people make better choices.

My Toast Masters community is another way I give back through service – nobody pays me to be there.

Bottom line is, I’ve enjoyed a bountiful life, and I know it.

Life Mastery Radio is a way for me to show gratitude and give back.

And while getting something in return isn’t why I do the show, I do notice how I reap the benefits of this giving:

I get lots of street cred for being a radio show host. And I get to rub elbows once a week with authors and thought leaders while getting the scoop on cutting edge ideas.

So you may think that you don’t have anything to give away – time or money. But you do.

And you may already be doing so without realizing it.

Holding the door open for the person behind you, buying someone a cup of coffee, stopping by to check on your neighbor whom you know has been sick – these are all perfect opportunities to help others, help ourselves, change the world, and stay in the flow.

Committing to a Life of Spiritual Intrigue with David Ault

davidault-greenbackground-600x600October 27, 2015 – If you show up and meet the mystery AND let go of the how, you make yourself available and say yes to your life.

Having grown up fundamentalist Christian, David Ault had enough of religion by the time he was old enough to leave home.

Years later, he was cajoled by a friend to attend a spiritual seminar; David found himself part of a captivated audience listening to Louise Hay.

He started writing music for her speaking gigs, and many years of service burgeoned from there.

As an author, speaker, and humanitarian who opened a school in Cambodia that offers free education to children, David’s work is never done, which is exactly how he likes it.

His new book, The Grass is Greener Right Here, has an underlying theme of perception and how we are “blind to our blessings.”

Because whatever our story, we’re as blessed as we’re willing to recognize that we are.

Formal Bio:

For nearly 30 years David has traveled the world as a New Thought musician, keynote speaker and workshop/retreat facilitator. His focus on remembering the Divine within and reclaiming that connection has empowered hundreds of thousands on their spiritual journey. The union of David’s charismatic message and heartfelt singing has elevated him to keynote speaker of choice in many nationwide churches, centers and global organizations.

“In my world of effect, there will always be someone smarter, prettier/handsomer, richer, braver, and more talented than me.  And eventually I learn that the gift of life isn’t about any of that; it’s about ceaselessly taking inventory of all the gifts I do possess and never abusing them through the waste of comparison.

Throughout the 1980’s, David, along with the late Jerry Florence and Keith Kimberlin made their mark in New Thought history by helping pioneer an unexplored musical genre — “visionary vocal/positive music.” The trio, known as Alliance, became trailblazers when introducing original music specifically designed to support the metaphysical teachings that life reflects our thoughts.  They toured/supported the beginning ministries of such notables as Louise Hay and Marianne Williamson. Alliance’s legendary blend and musical message helped establish them as one of the most successful vocal groups in the Spiritual recording field.

David continued this musical path as a solo artist, releasing one critically acclaimed recording after another including The Healing Bridge, Travelin’ With The Angels, All Is Calm, All Is Bright, And Then It Is Morning, One With The World, and Worthy Shoes.

As an ordained minister, David founded a Center for Spiritual Living in Mobile, Alabama and served as its senior minister for 4 years before accepting the position as senior minister for Spiritual Living Center of Atlanta, Georgia in the fall of 2010.

Through his stateside non-profit, Khmer Child Foundation, David has established an ongoing fresh water well building facilitation project in the Siem Reap area of Cambodia, as well as created a non-government regulated school that provides free education, medical/hygiene assistance, agricultural and life skills training, all against the odds of poverty and bureaucratic restriction. The school, named Future Khmer Child, currently supports nearly 200 children and young adults all year round.

As a respected teacher, writer and columnist, David is the author of the bestseller, Where Regret Cannot Find Me and his new book, The Grass Is Greener Right Here. David resides in Atlanta, GA.

 

Listen to “Committing to Spiritual Intrigue with David Ault 10/27/15” on Spreaker.

Taking Action on Your Own Behalf

piclabWe hear a lot of chatter about the dos and don’ts of attracting what we want. And even recently on the blog, I’ve talked about visualizing a desire, attaching an emotion to that desire, and then sealing the deal with gratitude when discussing the Law of Abundance.

But one major component to achieving our goals and dreams that probably isn’t talked about enough is taking action.

We have to take action on our own behalves. Spirit will take care of the rest.

Back in the day when I worked for another hydraulics company, I read an article about Baltimore Hydraulics. BH was everything I thought a machine shop should be; it was my ideal.

I taped that article to the wall of my office and later when I quit that job, I started my own business knowing nothing about being a businessman.

I knew nothing about management, accounting…nothing.

So I took a lot of action and studied what I needed to study about being a business owner and sought out the right people to talk to. As I progressed, and my old customers found out I wasn’t at the old shop, they began tracking me down to fix their stuff.

Years later, as a machine shop built up around me, I realized I had recreated Baltimore Hydraulics, my ideal machine shop.

Another notable thing that happened during that time was, as my business was growing, I realized I needed more money. I had to create a business plan for the bank.

They asked that I predict and forecast sales for the future, so me being me, I put all blue sky down in writing – best case scenario.

So the bank says, okay, here’s some money, have fun. Hard to believe when I had no business background. I was just good at fixing machines.

Years later, I was cleaning out my desk and found that old business plan. Out of curiosity, I double-checked those cash flow projections, and I hit those numbers almost exactly for the first three years.

That’s evidence of the power of putting a dream on paper – it’s a great first action step.

So you might be wondering, what are other ways to take action?

Because sometimes we’re trucking along and get stumped; we don’t know what else to do.

Action can be as simple as doing a Google search or taking a trip to Barnes & Noble to see what books you can find.  

Look for inspiration in magazines, music, nature.

It can be placing a call, asking for help, and checking in with your “knower.” Ask it – what do I do next? What do I try and where do I go?

Big steps like taking a class or small ones like a trip to the bookstore all qualify as action.

Put yourself in the stream of opportunity with action and spirit will direct opportunity to your path.

Magic Potion

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by Todd Alan

Once I sponsored a man in AA who was having some difficulty with a certain situation. One of those situations that’s hard to shake.

It had him down in the gutter, and was making him uncomfortable.

So, I had him do a little exercise that involved writing out three paragraphs. I call this the “magical potion”:

In paragraph 1, you write down the situation (this might actually be more like a sentence or two).

In paragraph 2, you write down the facts.

In paragraph 3, you write down the truth, careful to use good, positive descriptive words in this paragraph.

For example, let’s say you’re broke.

The situation is you don’t have any money.

The facts might be something like:
“The rent is $700.00 a month. I’m making $15.00 an hour at a part-time job. Currently, my employer doesn’t have more hours to give. I’m on food assistance. My roommate makes more money and is probably worried that I will come up short. I’m worried I’ll come up short. I can’t afford the show everyone’s going to tonight. And I want that cappuccino I see that woman drinking through the café window. But it’s probably five friggin’ dollars, and that’ll leave me with about 10 dollars for the rest of the week.”

The truth might be something like:
“I took an adventurous risk to transition into a different career. It’s only part-time for now, but it could be full-time later. It was a risk, but I felt solid enough to leap. I am perfectly capable of finding more work and making more money. I’m a kind person, a brave person, and I’ve had friends comment they wish they were courageous enough to take their own leap. Just because my culture tends to attach a person’s monetary worth to their personal worth does not mean I have to fall for it. I am loved, and I have a few special people in my life who want me to succeed. I am bold which can, sometimes, lead to these uncomfortable circumstances. I am an artist, which means I’m creative and will thus find a way to change my circumstances. I will have money again.”

It doesn’t seem like much but this potion has great power. It’s an exercise designed to change how you view the situation, which often changes the outcome of the situation. It’s also a demonstration of how the truth doesn’t necessarily match the facts.

To quote Wayne Dyer, when you change the way you look at things, you change the way things look.

The AA guy called me back within 3 hours and his entire perspective had changed. He was almost proud to be in that situation, as he knew it was making him stronger.