The Circle of Giving

I had an epiphany on my 39th birthday!  I was depressed about getting close to hitting the big Four Oh.  My colleagues were happily planning a birthday celebration that would finally expose my true age and I was dreading it (everyone at work thought I was much younger than I was!). Usually I arranged to be out of the office so I could avoid birthday hoopla but I had a project that required me to be there so I was stuck! Lastly, for some reason, I was feeling like no one truly cared about me because no one had called to invite me out to birthday dinner nor sent a card.

Birthday morning, I arrived at the office early hoping to get some work done before the big “celebration”. When I walked into my office I saw my desk covered with birthday cards.  Someone (the administrative assistant, I am sure) had taken the time to remove the cards from their envelopes and stand them up on my desk.  I was so surprised and happy!  I had never received so many birthday cards, ever!  I thought, “Oh these must be from the people I have done favors for or who may have received a card from me at some point.” I wasn’t sure who might have sent them because birthdays were something I occasionally forgot…maybe frequently forgot.  I grabbed the cards to see who they were from.  To my surprise not one of them was from anyone I had gone out of my way for nor from anyone I had sent a card to in the past.  I was puzzled.  Why would these folks take the time to send me a birthday card when I could not recall doing them a favor or sending them a card?

The Circle of Giving

It was then that I realized that giving and receiving was not a “tit for tat” experience. I finally got it that the picture was much broader, wider and deeper.  I realized it is a mistake to expect what I give to come back to me directly from the folks or places I gave to.  I finally understood that giving was a circle rather than a straight line. I give to you, you give to someone else and the Universe gives it all back to us. This process works for both the good stuff and the not so good.

Jewels in our Crowns

This epiphany has stayed with me. My grandmother used to tell me, whenever I found myself pouting about not getting recognition for something  “Well dear, that is a jewel in your crown in heaven.”  That saying used to annoy and confuse me as a child but as an adult I now understand what she was saying.

I think of the Circle of Giving and remind myself that whatever I put “out there” comes back to me, pressed down and flowing over. All I need do is look at what is coming into my life and to be thankful for it.  In fact, we can even be thankful for the situations that aren’t to our liking.  Many a time I have changed my ways because I didn’t like something in my life and have received something much better instead. I have observed this with other people as well.  So, trusting that it is all good, regardless of appearances, opens us up to experiencing more good.  And so it is.