Original post here.
Whatever the reasonmay be, the majority of single moms I know don’t have great things to say about their ex.
I am not going to stick up for the deadbeat men that leave their kids high and dry. I’m also not going to defend good dads who are pushed away by crazy moms.
Today, I am going to stick up for the fatherless boys in the crossfire.
No matter what you think about dad, when you say phrases like, “I hate men” or “men are terrible” or “you’re giving up on men,” your son is in the crossfire and his life will be negatively affected by it.
Take a step back and see it through your son’s eyes.
Momma, talking negatively about men doesn’t set a good example! Your son is young now, but he knows one day he will grow up. When you talk poorly about men, even hateful sometimes, he gets confused about what or who he is supposed to become. He doesn’t want to become someone you hate. It’s hard for him to distinguish between your love for him and your anger at dad. This confusion literally stacks the odds against him becoming anything of value to the world.
Is it logical for your son to desire to become something you hate? Odds are your son looks up to you. You are the main person taking care of him. Despite any rough spots, he loves and respects you and desperately desires to become a great man.
Momma, what can you do? Provide your son with extreme clarity by asking this question:
What kind of man do you want him to be?
If you want him to become a man who reflects the fruits of the spirit love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control (Galatians 5:22-23) then they have to be modeled to him.
Momma, please don’t confuse your son and leave him with no hope of knowing what a real man is. Instead, invest in him. Teach him the behaviors a woman respects and the reasons why you think these characteristics are good. Give him hope everyday that men can be loving, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and have self control; even if his dad was none of the above.
Not all boys are destined to be failures… what you say matters!
No matter what has happened to you, it’s your decision what you will do to the future man you’re raising. The responsibility for turning your son into a man you love or hate is in your hands.
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