She is an author, award-winning motivational speaker, professional transformational leader, and personal development coach. She taught the Dale Carnegie course as a
Certified Instructor for fifteen years, and in 2017 became a Certified
Trainer in the Jack Canfield Success Principles Program. Maria is the author ofTsunami to Greatness – Unleashing the Power of Self-Love and Synchronicity to Become the Best Version of Yourself.
In her book you’ll discover how to:
Achieve your full potential by breaking the chains of negativity, pain, overwhelm, guilt and sadness
Recieve the joy, health, abundance, peace, love, and synchronicity the Universe has for you
Allow your true self to emerge
Meet Maria Mantoudakis
The love doctor returned to Life Mastery Radio this week. Dr. Gary Salyer is the author of Safe to Love Again, and he teaches his clients to do just that by helping them rewire their brains with an understanding of four important feelings.
When you add up all these feelings you feel loved and can give love back.
“Babies have an attachment style by the time they’re 10 months old. If, as children, we experience all four feelings we become securely attached.”
Dr. Gary Salyer
Dr. Salyer told the story of his patient, Paul who had become insecurely unattached around the time he was four years old. Paul had learned that at some point, “Love will turn on me.”
Paul was twice divorced around the 10-year mark of each relationship. He lacked trust in each wife since he always knew at some point love would turn on him. He recognized the fault was his but didn’t know how to create lasting love.
Paul spoke of a family campout when, without any provocation or reason, his father walked over to him and began beating Paul. His father “turned against him” leaving Paul with the distinct feeling that at some point anyone who loved him would do the same.
At one session Paul’s
older brother was with him as he retold the story.
Staring in complete shock, Paul’s brother spoke:
“You got it all wrong, Paul. I was at that campout and witnessed your pant legs catching on fire because you got too close to the flames. Dad jumped up and beat the flames out so you didn’t become a marshmallow. He didn’t turn on you! Dad saved your life!”
“Feelings are so powerful we often determine “our truth” which keeps us from seeing “THE truth”. The brain uses these early templates for all our relationships. The brain creates experience, and in Paul’s case set up levels of distrust by misinterpreting an experience.”
Dr. Gary Salyer
Dr. Salyer explained when the four feelings are not felt as children, we actually separate from our bodies and feelings without a right to exist.
He himself did not feel welcomed as a baby. Dr. Salyer’s mother was extremely disappointed he was not a girl. He was dressed in pink and went without a name for three weeks after his birth.
How did this manifest In Dr. Salyer? He didn’t feel cherished. His mother was abusive and unprotecting. Gary learned it was safer for him to be distanced from his mother, and he spent time playing in his room.
When he got married
Dr. Salyer didn’t understand why his wife felt lonely. He was still practicing
what he’d learned as a child: being distant is safe. The separation made his
wife feel as though Dr. Salyer didn’t understand her. The figurative distance
between them widened further and further until divorce was imminent.
“If you have fled from feelings as a child your brain is not set up to feel. I was blind as a bat without feelings. I was denying my wife the feelings of being cherished and welcomed.”
Dr. Gary Salyer
Dr. Salyer affirms: “If there are fights in a relationship it’s because one partner isn’t feeling one of these feelings:”
Welcomed with Joy
Worthy and Nourished
Cherished and
Protected
Empowered with Choice
“Show me a couple without a WE, and I’ll show you a war. There has to be a WE, and worthy is what makes love go around. It’s a birthright. You were born worthy.”
Dr. Gary Salyer
When Dr. Gary works
with individuals or couples, he helps them find the imprints – the big moments
when the brain shaped an emotional experience.
“Find the flavor of safety the brain was seeking, and you’ll discover the feeling. Giving yourself the right to have these feelings and restoring them is what makes self-love possible. The brain will feel safe. Change the feeling and everything else changes. Feelings are the original GPS for love.”
Dr. Gary Salyer
A brain that is aligned with these four feelings easily creates a profound, intimate, deep, calming, and empowering WE. From this WE extraordinary couples are born, nurtured, and raised.
Watch videos on Dr. Sayler’s website he calls MESSAGES ABOUT LOVE. They are only 2-4 minutes in length and many couples report tremendous value by learning from them.
These same feelings plagued Judi Miller most of her life. She finally let go of what did not serve her and wrote a book which teaches all of us how to live with transformative love and forgiveness.
Her book is: Perfect: A Path to Love, Forgiveness, and Transformation
“Forgiveness is letting go of stories that no longer serve us.”
Judi Miller
Judi has an amazing story which sparked her personal transformation. She shared a snippet with us as our guest this past Tuesday.
As a child Judi had fears of the dark, the night, and being sexually assaulted, though she had never had any such actual experience. She could sense certain dark, foreboding energies always around her at night.
Night after night Judi would recite the Lord’s prayer over and over until she fell asleep. This routine continued through her adult years until she was married with children.
“In the exhaustion of two children, the terror stopped; the spirits, the energies stopped.”
Judi Miller
Unfortunately, once Judi’s children grew up and left home, the house fell silent again, and the frightening energies returned.
“I literally tip-toed around my house afraid of what I might encounter or see. It felt like someone was standing behind me, and like eyes were staring at me from across every room.”
Judi Miller
Due to an upcoming surgery, Judi sought out a Healer. The first visit with that healer made Judi feel as though a lock had clicked into place. She knew it was a defining moment in her life. Soon, she would discover that Healer would play a bigger part in her life story than Judi could have imagined.
As the Healer and Judi discussed her fear of the dark, no relevant reason for the fear could be found. There was no event in Judi’s past which explained her terror. The Healer introduced Judi to the concept of past lives.
Could that be the answer?
“As you know, we inherit DNA from our parents. Epigenetics is a science which explains the ability to inherit emotions, memories, attitudes, and behaviors from our parents.”
Judi Miller
On her 80th birthday Judi’s mother shared her experience as a 12-year old girl wherein she was attacked and assaulted by her stepfather. It was crystal clear to Judi: The pain and terror she had been feeling was her mother’s pain and fear.
Even more amazing to Judi was the discovery that the ancestor of the Healer she had been working with was the one who had inflicted pain on her family a generation before.
“In that moment of revelation, I could have felt terror, hatred, even betrayal. I did not. All I felt was the immense perfection and beauty of the universe giving us the opportunity for everyone to heal.”
Judi saw how all our souls are connected and loved. At the moment of her discovery, she heard Ed Sheeran’s song: Perfect.
Well, I found a girl, beautiful and sweet I never knew you were the someone waiting for me
Well, I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I’ll share her home I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets To carry love, to carry children of our own
I have faith in what I see Now I know I have met an angel in person And she looks perfect
The name of Judi’s book emerged. It was perfect!
Her book contains simple exercises so you can learn to embody your own life experiences, lessons, and stories.
Judi has gifts on her website for you when you purchase her book:
The 5 Secrets to Deep and Lasting Happiness from Marci Shimoff
The Feeling Body from Dr. Sue Morter
Activating the Healer Within meditation from Dr. Sue Morter
21 Meditations on Love and eBook I Want for You What You Want for You from Janet Bray Attwood
The 5 Secrets to a Life of True Success from Debra Poneman
Just by going to her site: JudiMiller.Net you will receive a free eBook.
Golden pearls are a rare, deep gold colored gem resulting from irritation of a foreign substance inside a living oyster. They are often referred to as a 24k golden pearl and grow in the South Sea of Indonesia.
Golden Pearls
Because Golden Pearls are so rare, they provide an excellent metaphor for transcendence, and relates to the experiences and lessons shared in the book written by our recent guests Dr. Allen Lycka and Harriet Tinka.
It was delightful to hear their individual stories, and I was inspired with a desire to possess the 13 pearls they teach of.
In 2003, Dr. Allen Lycka heard a neurologist
say: “You have Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis, ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease), and
you have six months to live. Get your affairs in order.”
One late evening, Harriet Tinka walked into the elevator in her college dorm building when someone grabbed her neck from behind.
“You thought you could escape me?”
Harriet recognized the voice. It was the stalker who had managed to walk into the secured building, despite the restraining order she had filed against him.
Harriet was kidnapped, stabbed, and left for dead.
Dr. Allen Lycka
Dr. Lycka:
First, I reacted with anger. How could this be? I was only 52 years old. I was at the peak of my career, my life. How could this be? I was too young to die. It was so unfair.
I plunged harder into my work. If I were going to die, I’d have something to show for it at the end. I then became depressed. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. My work began to suffer.
For the first time, I thought of suicide. I bargained with God. “I will do anything if you don’t let me die”. I became angry. I was in denial.
It is true that when your life is near the end, you begin to see things more clearly. You begin to see patterns, things you could never see otherwise. You reach out. So, I began a journey– a journey to find my true diagnosis. I wasn’t going down without a fight. And I did not accept I had ALS and was going to die.
Harriet Tinka
Harriet Tinka:
The courts gave my abuser only three months in jail. I was outraged with the judge’s decision to give him such a lenient sentence for attempted murder.
I fell into a deep depression. I would cry silently, with no one to help. I was an embarrassment and failure to everyone in my life.
Determined to end my life, I bought a bottle of sleeping pills, took them, and went to sleep. I woke up disoriented. Trying to end my life was another failure.
Then I met Amber in the hospital. A drunk driver ran a red light and struck their vehicle with such force that it instantly killed both her parents.
Amber would be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of her life. She was motherless, fatherless, and homeless. Yet, she was full of joy and happiness. I asked her why she exuded joy after enduring such a tragedy.
She looked at me with a sincere smile and whispered, ‘I am lucky to be alive. Now here’s a challenge for you – you are alive too. Why don’t you use your experience to make a difference in your world?’
You’ll have to read their book to learn how Dr. Lycka and Harriet Tinka regained their love for life. However, I will share a few of their GOLDEN PEARLS.
#1: Love
“Hopes are more powerful than despair. Joy always triumphs over sorrow.”
Dr. Allen Lycka
#2: Inspiration
“Be “the inspiration” for someone else.”
Harriet Tinka
#5: Intention (Purpose)
“Ikigai (生き甲斐, pronounced [ikiɡai]) is a Japanese concept that means “a reason for being.”
Harriet Tinka
#7: Forgiveness
“Forgiveness is a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they deserve your forgiveness.”
Harriet Tinka
#11: Laughter
“An onion can make people cry but there’s never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.”
Will Rogers
Their book is not something you read only once. Dr. Lycka suggests that you must read it again and again. My suggestion for you is to simply read it, and enjoy it…
Linda Carroll was once teaching an interpersonal communication class. During the “debate” section of the course, Linda tried an activity she called PILLOW TALK. This simple activity proved to be the foundation for inspiration to write a book about love and relationships.
Each person sat on a pillow on the floor. The first person stated his/her argument. When he/she was done, the second person sat on the same pillow and took on the argument of the opposing party. It worked so well, Linda tried it later on as a counselor.
“I worked with a couple on “lock down”. They needed therapy. They were ready to split despite having a good thing going. They had an issue around money, and they couldn’t work it out. The guy believed money was a means to pleasure. He had it, he spent it.
His partner believed money was security. Starvation was her concern. They had been together for many years, but were ready to leave each other.”
Linda Carroll
When they first came into the room with Carroll as counselor, they began screaming at each other about their own points of view.
“I remembered PILLOW TALK and asked if they’d be willing to try something. I had them each talk about their position, and then they switched places. I had them each talk about the viewpoint of their partner as if it were their own viewpoint.”
Linda Carroll
The man began to share how he’d grown up in a migrant family and there was never enough money. He’d wanted a basketball one Christmas, and only received socks.
The woman spoke about her father and mother who were dreamers. They were always starting something, and always spent money they didn’t have until they finally ended up homeless.
“When they got each other’s story, and they got each other’s differences, and they talked about it from the other persons viewpoint, they started laughing.”
Linda Carroll
Linda asked
us to remember:
Neither of them changed their position on the issue, but they developed empathy for each other.
They realized the other person wasn’t bad or wrong
“If couples knew more skills dealing with love, they wouldn’t need therapy.”
Linda Carroll
Linda Carroll is the author of Love Cycles and Love Skills, which was launched last Friday on Valentines Day, February 14 2020. Her books are for people who aren’t so smart in how to thrive in relationships.
Although PILLOW TALK is not a focus of her books, it illustrates well why all of us need the skills Linda teaches.
Linda’s book
is so valuable. She tells us the difference between LOVE and LOVING. She
teaches us the Cycles of Love, which are:
MERGE
DOUBT AND DENIAL
DISILLUSIONMENT
DECISION
WHOLEHEARTED LOVING
There are quiz’s and exercises to take alone or with your partner. If all else fails, try a little PILLOW TALK
Imagine you’re an average person who enjoys animals and the world around you. Imagine you’ve never had the inkling to write anything, let alone a book. Then, imagine one day you hear a clear, distinct voice say, “The book is ready”.
What would your next action be? Would you sit down and write, and what would you write? Imagine you receive dictation by way of emotions, visions, and pictures in your mind from a herd of horses. Imagine the horses provide you with an understanding of the world you never had before.
Helen Brennand, our guest today had a similar experience to the one I’m describing. She never dreamt she would write anything, but she heard a voice, and although she resisted for a time, the book is now published and titled Belief.
A dialogue with the horses she cared for needed to be “let out” Helen explains.
“It was a phenomenal time. The learning opened a new world to me. I felt blissful in a time of grief. They invited me to move out of my comfort zone into a new life.”
Helen Brennand
Helen was experiencing stream-consciousness writing. It was instantaneously flowing from one thing to another. She wrote a couple pages a day. It was very healing and cathartic to her.
“It was like I was being set free.”
Helen Brennand
Helen was present with animals her whole life. She had rescued them, or helped them, when needed. She supported charities and took in a few horses who needed a home.
As Helen spent time observing the animals and using hands-on healing work, they began to communicate with her, offering understanding.
Helen herself lost a child and was just getting through each day. The horses took her into a deeper journey of love and understanding, which nurtured her, embraced her, and helped her see the joy within her grief.
“The horses carried me in a way that not even a close friend could have done. I surrendered to everything. They grabbed me, and I’m glad they did.”
Helen Brennand
Every level of communication came through the horses in a methodical, clear way. The order of information “blew her away”. She was amazed that animals were able to get her on the right track.
“I had to see myself as a worthy human being that had a role and place in this creation. When you receive unconditional love energetically from another being, there is no way to deny this real experience.”
Helen Brennand
“When we tie ourselves or others down, we restrict our potential,” Donna, the horse said to Helen.
I’m envious of Helen’s great connection to her horses and other animals. You’ll enjoy reading her book, Belief. Perhaps there is a book ready for you to write, and perhaps Helen’s experience will lead you to know it’s possible when you listen, love, and live with complete freedom to create.
A song has been written to raise money for the horses being affected by the wildfires in Australia. This is a link to listen to the song yourself:
I struggled to find the right title for this blog post. It could easily have been, “Are You Here to Save us?”; or “Blue Angel Dream”; or even, “Synchronicity, not Luck.” I finally settled with “God and Love on Route 80”
Each of those titles would have been appropriate and descriptive of the wonderful content our most recent guest delighted us with. Stephen G. Post, PhD is an opinion leader, public speaker, Founding Director of the Center for Medical Humanities, Compassionate Care, and Bioethics at the Renaissance School of Medicine at Stony Brook University; and a best-selling author of “God and Love on Route 80.”
Stephen’s amazing credentials began with a compelling, recurring dream as a teenage boy. This dream set his life on a certain course, and established for him a set of values to live by and practice daily.
“Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”
William Shakespeare, Macbeth
Stephen’s book is a remarkable true story of faith, love, and fate. Thumbing a ride across the continent on a spontaneous road trip adventure, his journey culminates in an extraordinary encounter that turns out to be the beginning of his spiritual odyssey.
I have a personal connection to Stephen as well, since he was the founder of www.unlimitedloveinstitute.com, which I’ve quoted in my own book on leadership and service. Connected-ness seems to be a natural law of the universe, as is evident in our meeting today on the broadcast.
Stephen describes his first experience serving others at the suggestion of his mother. Upon voicing his boredom, Stephen’s mother would say, “You should go help someone.”
Stephen helped his neighbors, who became spiritual leaders and mentors to him. He realized “it was good to be good.”
Later in life, as a teenager, he began to have a recurring dream about a young man and a blue angel. In the dream (which he’d had 6 times), the blue angel said, “If you save him, you too shall live.”
He would contemplate and meditate on the dream and the meaning thereof. He was even asked to talk about his dream with Masters of Divinity students at the university in hopes of learning more about the action the dream was asking him to take.
On a very impromptu trip along US Route 80, Stephen encountered the young man in his dream. The synchronicity of this event changed Stephen’s life as well as the life of the young man. Rather than retell the story in this blog, I would highly encourage you to listen to him tell the story himself. You will also love his book “God and Love on Route 80”
“Real love is a daily, earthy, grounded, simple as dirt yet profound as poetry experience“. ~ Dr. Gary Salyer
Dr. Gary Salyer was our guest on Life Mastery Radio with Todd Alan back in April of this year, but the recording of the show was not usable. That mishap had a happily ever after ending though, because we got to bring him back for another conversation about LOVE!
Even though LOVE is felt in the heart, our brains actually influence how we give and receive LOVE.
How does the brain of someone who’s created a loving, lasting relationship work deep down inside? What are the insider secrets for getting a secure brain that just knows how to pick Mr. or Ms. Right, and then insures that the relationship lasts for a lifetime in a way that feels good?
“I’ve learned we must train our brains to have the love we want.” ~ Dr. Gary Salyer
Love is a full body-based feeling that resonates in every cell of your body.
Genuine, secure love is sharing a host of little moments with each other as you go through your day.
Love is seeing a smiling face or hearing a soothing voice as you walk through the door at the end of a day
It’s stopping your life to listen when your beloved is overwhelmed or troubled;
It’s praising your partner for the smallest of achievements just because you take notice.
Like a two-sided coin, for love to exist there are feelings we need to feel, and rights we need to have.
The feelings:
Welcomed with Joy
Worthy and Nourished
Cherished and Protected
Empowered with Choice
“A brain that is aligned with these four feelings easily creates a profound, intimate, deep, calming, and empowering We. From this We extraordinary couples are born, nurtured, and raised.” ~ Dr. Gary Salyer
The Rights:
The Right to Exist
The Right to have Your Needs Met
The Right to Separate and Belong
The Right to Create Your Own Experience
The Right to Assert with Voice and Choice
The Right to Love and Be Loved
It helps to identify our attachment styles as well. Are you secure, anxious, or avoidant?
“When you show up for love in any way, you never know who it will affect, and how it will change their life.” ~ Gary Salyer
Dr. Salyer encourages couples to understand the “pattern” as the problem, and not the “partner”. We can all be better giving and receiving long-lasting, fulfilling love. It is the key to our common future.
Join Dr. Gary’s movement for LOVE. He invites you to make LOVE your personal mission in life.
“When you feel worthy of love, you naturally reach out for love.”
Dr. Gary Salyer let go of all the stories he had been telling himself about how he wasn’t good enough for love, and decided to live a life of real love instead. In the end, his heart opened up to love in a thousand different ways.
“I quite literally felt like a man who had been freed from the bondage of his childhood and his past relationships. Then I experienced the joy and peace of a man who had been liberated to live a life filled with love.”
“Every child on the planet begins life by asserting their natural self. Rights allow us to express our unique, authentic human experience in the world. When we get negative responses from our environment, we naturally suppress various aspects of our original, authentic essence. We’ll restrain our life force, give up our needs, deny our desire for support, limit the experience we want, choose what we don’t want, or settle for less than being truly loved.” ~ Dr. Gary Salyer
Our April 23rd guest on Life Mastery Radio was Dr. Gary Salyer. His book, “Safe to Love Again” was published a few months ago. As a radio show co-host, I knew this book could be important to individuals looking for love the first, second, or third time around; but I didn’t expect it to have a take-away for myself. I’ve been married for over 36 years to the same man
Preparing for the interview, I read the first several chapters of Dr. Salyer’s book, and was surprised to learn there was much I didn’t know about love.
I was intrigued with the story of Paul, one of Dr. Salyer’s
clients. Paul had been through 2 broken marriages, even though he’d been taught
examples of lasting love from his parents, grandparents, and so forth. He was
the first in generations of family who’d been divorced; and he couldn’t figure out
why.
While working with Dr. Salyer, Paul kept repeating “Love will turn on me; when is love going to turn on me?” This feeling of mistrust in his two wives led them to “turn on him” because he couldn’t fully commit to love. He had created the situation of love “turning on him” because he expected it to happen.
Dr. Salyer discovered how this feeling originated in Paul
when he was 5 years old. I won’t give too much away, because I want you to read
his book, however Paul’s “truth” was not THE truth. As a child, he had interpreted
a situation of his father beating him as “love turning on him”. But, when an
older brother heard Paul’s interpretation of the same event, Paul realized his
father was saving his life, not turning on him.
Unfortunately, Paul had undermined all his relationships because of a childhood feeling. FEELINGS, I learned, are what shapes our ability to be loved and love well. FEELINGS, not logic.
Conestoga wagons were an image Dr. Salyer put in my head to illustrate the “ruts” of love we find ourselves in because of feelings early in life. During the pioneer migration of early America, these wagon wheels would get stuck in the deep ruts formed by hundreds of wagons gone before.
“You better enjoy the rut you’re in, because you’ll be in it awhile.”
These ruts, or styles of love get us caught in repeating certain behaviors which can undermine relationships, like Paul’s.
Dr. Salyer spoke of an epidemic of unworthiness.
There are so many tools available in his book to help you find love or secure love in your life. There are 4 feelings, and 6 rights we all NEED to receive and give love.
Read his book to know more. Find out if he’s holding a workshop near you. Download his online workbook to help you get started. Safe to Love Again
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