Todd sat across from me late in the afternoon for a french tip and fries after most people had returned to their workplaces. He was telling me his story about alcoholism. We’d only known each other for a week, and this was our first date. I listened intently.
I noticed that he was different than many people I had heard speak about their recovery process. He was in complete acceptance that alcohol had no place in his present life. None and done. He didn’t miss it, relish it, long for it, fantasize about it, complain about it — none of that. He had broken off his relationship with alcohol and he wanted me to know about it.
Of course, I wanted to write it all down! I heard a book spewing out of him.
We continued to see each other often, and I encouraged him to share his story every chance he got: “Tell bits and pieces to anyone you trust. Watch their face. Pay attention to their questions. This will help you own your story.”
“What story?” he asked me.
“The book within you.”
“A book? Really?” And then he followed up with, “I have always thought there might be a book in me, somewhere.”
Some of us are more excited to share our stories. Some of us are timid or scared that people in the story will read it and be offended. For certain, people can take offense even if you look at them wrong let alone feature them in your book.
But it is still important to share your story with those in your life who you deem as safe. It’s an excellent place to start, and It helps you know your true story even better. Later on, you can decide what stays in your public story and what you choose to edit out. When you know the difference between the two, you’ve got the bones of a manuscript!
I was especially moved by Todd’s early memories of alcohol recovery, which we updated and placed in the very beginning of his book. I remembered him sharing bits of it on our first date, and I must say, he had my complete attention. Here’s the book version:
I was raised to be a man’s man, a strong farm hand, and basically an ordinary tough guy. My Dad influenced me powerfully. He grew up in a masculine world in middle America where he was a big football fan and raised to be a corn farmer. He coached me in football, baseball, basketball and soccer when I was a just a kid. If I got hurt while playing, I was told, “Shake it off!”… And, “Big boys don’t cry!” Every injury was met with another chance to be tough as nails. These messages were hammered into my brain and my body. Consequently, I became completely closed off from my feelings.
This was one of my first agreements in life: Real men don’t feel. I didn’t like it, but it was a concept straight from my dad, and it was all he knew. The boy scouts enforced it even more, and later came the game of hunting wild animals – something I was not keen on – but these messages came from men I looked up to. They were teaching me how to be a man’s man, as this was all they knew.
I was only 11 when my uncle introduced me to booze and I liked it! I liked the way it made me feel. I drank so much I got super intoxicated. As the days pressed on, I could count on my uncle feeding this magic stuff to me and every time, I had the same reaction; I felt great! Alcohol gave me the permission to feel superhuman! This was the stuff, man!
Up until now, the only feelings I ever saw a man express was anger. I noticed that when men got angry, they got their way. It worked for me, too. I could throw a tantrum and get what I wanted. At age 12, my folks divorced and I spent a lot of time feeling really upset. The only other option I knew was to numb out and try to feel nothing at all. So now I had a new agreement: I could feel angry or I could add a little alcohol and feel good. Every chance I got, I chose the latter.
Not a bad start! And it is only the very beginning of his story. We sat down and crafted this one day to get his book rolling.
And then we wrote more, and talked more, and wrote more.
And at some point, the confusion of what to say became clear, and the feeling of fear turned to utter excitement. There are many phases, decisions, and re-working that needed to take place so that his story could be offered to a public audience with care.
Todd was overjoyed to see his words — his survival story — become a book. I literally cried tears of joy. It took time and attention and commitment. But I won’t say it was hard — it required dedication and focus, and there were many times when we laughed.
The process helped me build my business and brand: I help people write their books. I’d love to help you.
Your true story is always about you, even though there were other important people. That story you lived through has made you, changed you, shaped you, saved you, delivered you, and allowed you to be in this world, present and available. Just think what that story could do for others.
Coach Debby is a spiritual mentor and has taught writing and literary editing since 1996. She helps new and seasoned authors create and complete their book. www.coachdebby.com
Replay July 5th, 2016 Original air date December 16, 2014. Guest, Alan Cohen, joins us to inspire everyone to “get real” about life. Alan is our friend and mentor, as well as the founder of Holistic Coach (.org) based in Hawaii. The author of 24 popular inspirational books, including the best-selling The Dragon Doesn’t Live Here Anymore, the award-winning A Deep Breath of Life, and the classic Are You as Happy as Your Dog? has made him a household regular for the spiritually minded. He is a contributing writer for the New York Times #1 bestselling series Chicken Soup for the Soul, and his books have been translated into 24 foreign languages. His work has been featured on Oprah.com and in USA Today, The Washington Post and 101 Top Experts. Alan’s radio program Get Real is broadcast weekly on Hay House Radio, and his monthly column From the Heart is featured in magazines internationally. We are very fond of Alan and have experienced great renewal thanks to his life coaching programs. He is a joyous man who loves to turn daily life into a meaningful life lesson. He is magnificently encouraging on a personal and also professional level. www.alancohen.com and http://holisticcoach.org
Listen to “Get REAL with Alan Cohen07/05/16” on Spreaker.
Wealth Wisdom of the Ages
Sept. 6, 2011
Insights from the ‘Book of Wealth’
Dr. John Demartini shares in this powerful DVD some of the most inspiring & significant principles applied by those individuals from ancient times to modern day who have built vast fortunes of wealth. Wealth Wisdom of the Ages includes insights from The Book of Wealth, Achievements of Civilization written in 1896 by Hubert Howe Bancroft. This program will inspire, expand & assist you in taking your vision of wealth building to new & more powerful level.
In two weeks…Aug.30 the YES! Tribe will be unveiled. It’s not a “Secret” as to why this program is changing lives. Stay tuned..Do you want to be a member of the YES! Tribe? Listen in and join our site and when you get a chance find Tina Marie Jones on facebook. YES!
July 26th 2011 segment 4 Guest: Fiona Maguire, visionary, energetic, intuitive coach, International Speaker shares with us her uncanny ability to cut through the chase and fulfill your life’s Real Energy. She can intuitively listen to your life’s story, feel and guides you through, letting go,gives you tools and how to rapidly achieve your full potential Listen is as her gentle, humble but direct approach assists you to your highest becoming.Visit her website: www.RealEnergy4All.com Click Here for a free gift from Fiona
Stickability…”the art of Knowing your hearts desire,passion and the constant stick to it belief of never letting someone dictate or change your dream.. Greg S Reid, author, speaker, motivator and passionate believer of “Think and Grow Rich” What would happen if you did stop”Three Feet From Gold”? Listen in, as we hear a master speak with Tina Marie and Todd Alan
Our children are an opportunity for spiritual awakening for all of us. They are our gifts, when we parent well we all thrive. Mind, body and spirit ushered in through us the Parents. Is it possible to find our ourselves through the parent process? YES!
We had a great show today on HLS –
We spoke with Dr, Mark Lachs about his book Treat me not my age on how the age barrier in the health care system can impact the level of care we and our loved ones receive.
Did you know that the older you get the trickier the Health care system gets to navigate?
Dr. Lachs also shared tips on making simple modifications to your home that can keep you healthy and not feeling old.
On the same lines as self awareness and education on how we care for ourselves, we were joined by Mark Meyerdirk who shared about self actualization and why it is important to our lives.
Listen to the replay of the full show – http://holisticlivingshow.com/?p=1326
It seems as though Life Coaching is a new trend, but in fact, only the term, “Life Coach” seems to be. The most successful people in the world, past and present will all agree that the best investment that has helped their careers is partnering with a mentor who helped lay the proper foundation to walk upon.
Some refer to me as a Life, Success or Holistic Coach. Even the term Spiritual Advisor has been used. In my corporate clients I am a Sales Coach or even a Business Consultant. In any and all cases the results are the same, more clarity, greater awareness of opportunities, increased ROI, all produced in efficient time periods.
When I work with people each week, I have noticed certain patterns in those who are serious about their growth and also patterns in those who are not. I can predict 100% of the time those who will not be renewing their contracts and who will return to self sabotaging behaviors and ways of being that keep them stuck. Which, as an insight into what has one ‘give up’, the decisions to turn back are usually fear based.
As I want everyone who decides to invest in partnering with a Life Coach to get the biggest bang out of your buck and the best use of your time, I have shared the patterns of success that have worked for my clients.
1 – Keep your appointment.
Those who show up, call in on time and view the time with their coach as sacrosanct, are the ones who achieve the greatest results in the shortest time. Not dropping out your own commitment to yourself shows a level of discipline, focus and determination that is needed in any pursuit in life.
2 – Call your Coach – They do not Call you.
I have witnessed coaching relationships with other coaches where the coach calls the client. This does not work! If you have hired a coach, you obviously consider them to be your mentor. To honor the energy of the student/teacher (although we all learn from each other) the student calling the teacher/coach is the best method of keeping the appointment. If you, as the student, are not able to make the call be proactive and text or email ahead of time. If you coach is like me, his/her time is very valuable and booked down to the minute each day. Respect time and time will respect you.
3 – Have a Plan for your time.
In between appointments with your coach Life happens. to use the time that you have with your coach most efficiently it is best to have a few discussion points laid out ahead of time. Reflect on your life and find what is most ‘up’ for you at the moment. Maybe you had a rough patch in a discussion with a peer, or your boss. Maybe your home life is a bit stressed, or you feel stuck in your decision making. Perhaps your health patterns are waning and you are not sure why you cannot keep your commitments. Look at all areas of your life and find the one that has the most ‘heat’ on it. Bring it up and ask if you can have help looking at it to learn what it is calling for you to know about yourself. I guarantee that one area of awareness will penetrate all other areas of your life as well.
4 – Avoid telling the whole story.
The time with your coach is valuable and, often times expensive. The best coaches charge the most money. I know this personally because mine is $850 an hour*. This is not a social time with your coach to see how their weekend was or how the family is doing. Each minute well spent in using the coach for what he or she is best at will advance your life all that much more quickly and efficiently. If you need to get a point across for the learning point, cut to the chase, leave off the sideline stories, drama or bits and pieces.
5 – Take your own inventory before the call.
A quality of a dedicated student is one who is open to hearing what the coach perceives and is willing to grow from his or her experiences. To open up to advice, I have learned that when I take my own personal inventory, listing the areas of my life that are going well, those that are not and where I most hope to improve allows me space to learn. I also list qualities that I know I shine in, and those I would like to improve upon. When I am humble about my own short comings, I am more teachable.
6 – Take Notes and keep track of them.
I cannot tell you how many times I have been on a call when my coach has shared some poignant advice and I was without a pen and paper. Through my own awareness of needing to be prepared for each call, I now keep a notebook and document the not only the advice my coach gives, but also my ‘ahh ha’ moments and thoughts and then reflect on them from time to time to track my own progress. My students have loved this practice and share that it is very helpful to their growth as well.
7 – Focus during the call.
A connection with a Life Coach is powerful. I have taken phenomenal steps forward through the connection with my Life Coach. There is an energy created in the moment
when you fully focus on the intent of the call, the words being spoken and the questions that are being evoked through the connection. When multiple things are going on, like checking emails, driving to work, or walking to your destination while you are on the phone with your coach, you risk the chance of missing an important moment of inspiration. My advice is to put aside all other tasks, texting, close the laptop or move to a room with no disturbances. Take the time to focus with your coach on your life and advancements you want to make.
8 – Do your homework.
I often give my clients exercises to do during the week to bring forth the learnings they are going for in their lives. My clients have shared that when they apply the homework and do as suggested, they have weekly breakthroughs.
9 – Trust the process.
I have seen people at the edge of a breakthrough in their lives whether it was shifting a belief system on self doubt and self sabotage or simply taking the steps necessary to reach that pivotal goal in business success. At the closet point of a major shift, one that will bring freedom, wonder, happiness, wealth, more health, or deep love, there is a preceding period of fear where old paradigms are being restructured.
In this place one can feel alone but it is the hand of a strong coach that supports you and reminds you of the goal. Like a coach on the field of life, your coach does not give up on you and can see just how close you are to the end zone. Trust the process with your coach and stay in the game no matter how hard it gets. Your dreams, your vision and your life is worth it.
10 – Report your progress.
In my coaching program I speak to my clients twice a week, once on Monday’s and then again on Thursday’s, which allows them one more day of the work week (Friday) to go for the gold of their goals. This structure for coaching has worked wonders and most, if not all clients have reported immense growth in all their goals and a shortened time frame for reaching them, over and above their original expectations. Another factor that they do not readily perceive as beneficial, but in hindsight see that it was their doing that made the progress come so rapidly is that I ask them to check in during the week. I say, “Today is a big day for you, call me if you need the extra boost. I am here for you.” Reach out to your coach when you need them, you will know the proper balance that has your own wings grow. When we are learning to fly, we come back to the nest to get our bearings. Simple text messages, quick phone calls, or even email works well at keeping you on track and your coach in touch with your progress. Plus you get attitude boosting comments back that have you know you have a partner with you in your pursuits.
I hope this has been of help to you in knowing how to best use your Life Coach relationship. Find one that resonates with you and one who knows how to bring out the best in you.
Next week…. “Where to find the best Life Coach for you.”
Every best wish,
Tina Marie is the President and Founder of Seer International, a corporation that is dedicated to the upleveling of humanity. Seek your highest potential. Discover the Life Coaching programs available to you at Seer International. www.seerinternational.com
Tina Marie’s programs in the Living to the Power of YES! Series have commanded the attention of corporations, organizations and high powered individuals across the globe.
Sign up to experience how you can Live to the Power of YES! in your life at www.tinamarie.com
Note from Tina Marie – “The coaching program of your choice will determine your results. I have partnered with the best in the business to gain permanent forward results for my life. I assessed the many thousands I had spent on therapy and retreats and decided for 3 years to invest my money in a mentor that can ‘hold my feet to the fire’ on what I say I want to achieve. I have, in one year, become financially free, am in my dream job, hang with celebrities, travel the world, am in perfect health, and am recognized for my genius in the world. Likewise I coach my clients in the same manner, with the same results, but at an hourly rate that is more affordable by my client base. My office can provide a financial assessment of your goals and help monetize what your returns will be on a Life Coaching program. We only work with serious students of this work and those who expect serious return. Email Nila at email@example.com to obtain your free assessment if you are interested in how Life Coaching can help you get your life soaring.