A lot of times, we become attached to a story. We have this vision of how our lives are supposed to look – nice house, nice car, 2.5 kids OR we’re supposed to be traveling and seeing the world or publishing a book.
And we hold on really tight to the story of what should be or what has to be, failing to notice everything that does work or is fantastic about our lives right this second.
When we attach to these stories, we put conditions on our happiness.
We’ll say, “I’m not going to be happy until I lose 10 lbs.” Or, “When I get a better job, I’ll be happy.” “Once we close on the house, I can relax.” “Once I have the money to buy my ticket, I’ll be stoked.”
Your life is a journey that deserves far more freedom than this; we cannot confine happiness and joy in these “when this, then that” stories. This habit can and does make us miserable if not crazy.
One seemingly small but powerful remedy to this kind of thinking is to take a minute, especially if things aren’t going according to plan, and consider all your little detours or, as I like to call them, micro journeys. Consider the last time you got a little off track (perhaps you’re there now), and see if you can pinpoint the value in that detour.
Maybe that horrible boyfriend led to a realization or the crap job led to making a new friend, or maybe the vacation you DID get to tropical paradise was a disaster because it rained the whole time, but you got a lot of reading done in your hotel!
The difficult times and the careful consideration of those difficult times are all part of the exploration and journey of life.
Where is there an opportunity to learn something? If you weren’t happy about it in the moment, can you see some value in it now?
A shift in perspective is a way of detaching from what didn’t or isn’t happening.
Now, I’m not saying we should forget about what we want. I am saying that we have to take an active role in noticing what is working and what we’ve learned.
So let’s back up a second and revisit those big picture desires, the BIG things we want out of life – the Europe vacation, the published book, the new house.
If you’re noticing the good stuff happening in the day-to-day, we have a lot more room for happiness now. Also, NOW we can relax and notice where we can take another step toward our big desire.
We aren’t fiercely groping at it. We still want it, but we are detached from that exact outcome because we see more gifts in today.
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